Our Adoption Journey

Where is Morgan???

2009-09-06T21:47:00.003-04:00

So you are likely wondering...who is Morgan??? Morgan is the little angel daughter that we have been waiting for and for which we more completely seek to find now. Jayden has been a glorious addition to the family and now more than ever we wish to complete our family and begin the next chapter of our lives.

We knew before Jayden came that we had at least 2 other children which would come to our family. We talked often that one would be a boy and one would be a girl. We all felt strongly about this it seemed. Now that Jayden is here it is time to find Morgan. Morgan was named such by Camille and myself. We love the name and it has been nice to talk about Morgan by name instead of just "the little girl we wait for".

We had begun the process of adopting from Russia and had thought we would find Morgan there. Now we think there is a chance she may very well be right here in the United States. We also believe that she may not be an infant too. We feel she may come to us at a young age but not necessarily in infancy.

So....Morgan we begin our search for you, our daughter, our little angel girl.

Here are the brothers and sister that wait for you....

Cheesy Alec...

Jakob and Cami dress Jayden up like royalty
and put him on his chariot...

Jakob poses with Jayden and his medal...
which Jayden thinks tastes yummy!

Jayden....where are your pants????
Oh yeah, on your head silly boy!

Any girl would love to be loved by this crew and their parents too! If you can help us find Morgan....we'd love the help! Thanks!

Kiddos and Mommy Race & Our Technology Free Vacation....

2009-08-02T18:55:00.003-04:00

The 3 older kiddos and I all participated in a special 5K Run/Walk and Kids Event this Saturday. It was a lot of fun! I did the 5K walk and beat my last 5K finishing time. My last 5K I did in 38:33 (a 12:25 minute pace), this time I did it in 36:02 (a 10:19 pace). I placed 1st in my age group and 7th out of 267 walkers and received a really nice pink workout jacket. Yep....pink! Not my color but it is really nice so MAYBE I will wear it on occasion. We'll see...I know you're all thinking you will fall over dead if you saw me wearing pink! The last time I wore pink was in my brother's wedding and I was 6 months pregnant with Jakob at the time. Enough about the jacket....there were 852 women that did the 5K, I came in 377th over all. There was a 10K event as well, with a combined total of women running or walking of 1,497. All to support Cervical Cancer research and continuing education.

The kids did different events as part of the Kids Fun Run. Jakob ran in the 1 mile run, Cami in the 1/2 mile run, and Alec in the 100 yard run. They all received a medal, a goodie bag, and t-shirt. They had a lot of fun and especially enjoyed the snow cones, pony rides, and bounce house afterwards. I was really proud of them and they were great sports. Alec wanted to keep running, he didn't understand why he couldn't run as far as the other kids.

Jayden and Rob were great at cheering everyone on and Rob is prepping for his next running event. He wants to run a 5K sometime this year.

I have a couple of pictures but need to get them up here. They will come soon!

As for our technology free week....IT WAS GLORIOUS!!! The kids missed a movie now and then and playing video games a bit, but overall it was really easy to simply do without the computer, TV, and all that other "plugged in" stuff. You'd think that WITHOUT them I would hear a lot of "I'm bored!". BUT....I used to hear that when we did have these techno things, when we didn't use them....I NEVER HEARD THEM SAY THAT. They played more games, rode their bikes more, discovered nature more, played tag more, fought less, talked more, asked more inquisitive questions, and a million other wonderful things. Most of all....they SLOWED down. I loved it! It wasn't this fevers pitch all the time. They used to look at me crazy when they asked what we were going to do next and I said, "sit here and relax for a couple of minutes". What? Relax? Why? They just didn't get that it was okay, and normal, not to mention needful....to slow down sometimes.

So....would I do it again....ABSOLUTELY!!! I may even give us another week before school starts. Cami wants to go without electricity for a day or more. Now that would be an adventure!

Long Time, No Blogging....

2009-07-25T12:41:00.005-04:00

We are still here...just busily enjoying life with 4 magnificent kiddos! Our days have been spent swimming, biking, running, playing, relaxing (when we can or when I insist), reading, and doing all sorts of other fun things. I am NOT looking forward to the kids returning to school in a couple weeks, I feel I hardly get to see them when they are in school so late each day. But I know they are excited to see friends and Alec is excited to begin his school career (although mommy is tortured by the idea of him being gone-sob, sob, sob).

I have taken quite a few pictures but have yet to get them all off the camera. Let's see what I have done and can put here....in random order.

Jayden LOVES this cupboard....

no sense trying to keep it tidy,

he just comes along and pulls it all out.

I don't mind....I'd do it to if I were him!

Floyd, Cheryl, and Dakota stopped by while heading out on vacation and we got a picture of all the kids together. Dakota is Jayden's half sister (they have the same biological mother).

Our future Mozart....

Our future Fireman...making siren sounds.

Jayden and his buddies, Nate and Levi at the fire station.

The fireworks following the Red's game.

Jakob enjoying the game....and the food!

Camille enjoyed the game more this year,

despite the many other games she watched her brothers play.

Alec glanced away from the field just long enough

for me to take this picture, then it was right back to watching the field.

CHEESEBURGER!

Our traditional self portrait!

There's Grandpa and Grandma...

Nothing like a sippy cup of water on a hot day....

Okay that is what I had available.....not much but something nonetheless. Hope all is well and all are enjoying their summer breaks!

The Latest....

2009-06-16T10:51:00.012-04:00

I can't believe it has been so long since we posted. Life has been wonderfully chaotic! Many wonderful things have happened since we last posted, many which I will likely forget here. But the best of all these wonderful events and happenings has been the arrival and now permanent addition of Jayden to the family. We couldn't possibly be more excited to have him home. We feel he was always meant to be with us and that his birth family were always meant to become part of our family as well. Just yesterday we took new family pictures and got some really cute photos of Jayden. Here is one of my favorites.

LOVE THOSE DIMPLES!!!

The four kiddos...Jayden just fits perfectly!

Along with this great event the kids have had great times playing baseball, T-ball, and softball. Cami had her dance recital, the kids are out of school for the summer, I helped with a great women's event, Rob survived a torturous couple weeks of insane work hours and deadlines, we celebrated Jayden's 1st birthday, Rob and I celebrated 12 years of marital bliss, Alec had a mystery illness and thankfully turned out to be nothing, Alec graduated from preschool, the kids went on some fun field trips, we've been swimming, I organized a mom's group, I did my first 5k (walking, I am NOT a runner) and came in first in my age group (3rd overall for walkers), Rob's mom came for a visit, my folks came for a visit, and the summer is ahead of us!

The fam with my folks and Rob's mom after Cami's dance recital!

Our ballerina!

She is so photogenic!!!

Our little slugger Alec takes a swing at T-ball!

Grandma Mimi and Jakob rock out playing Rock Band!

Alec graduation cake!

Our pictures of the graduation itself didn't turn out that great.

Alec, Julia, and I had some yummy Icee Freezes

and ended up with some colorful tongues!

We had to take a picture!

Jayden is a fish! He LOVES the water!

Our pitcher and baseball star Jakob!

He had a great season and was a heavy hitter!

Our newest fish Jayden in his super suit!

This baby is 100 spf!

Our little lady playing catcher!

This is just a bit of what we have been up to lately! Life has been busy but WONDERFUL!!! We are in love with a little boy named Jayden and life is great! The kiddos love Jayden so very much as well and he knows it. He is surrounded by love, TONS of attention, laughter, snuggles, cuddles, kisses, and everything he will need to grow up happy, healthy, and safe!

Thank you to all of you we know and many we don't that prayed for us and especially for Jayden! Thank you for your kind thoughts, loving words of encouragement, and continual support! We couldn't have survived the waiting without you!

We are extremely blessed and thankful!

Spring Break Fun & Easter...

2009-04-12T18:44:00.006-04:00

The kids Spring Break was fairly uneventful until the end of the week. The enjoyed playing with the kiddos I watch M-Th but we were house bound b/c our vehicle cannot accommodate us all. Cathy had Friday off so Rob took the day off and we went to play. We went to an indoor water park with our good friends where it was warm and wet. We had TONS of fun!

Here are just a few photos of the kiddos!

Rob gives the green light to once again go wet and wild!

Christy and Carlee enjoy the splashing!

What must Alec be saying in the background???

Easter has been fun! Last night we dyed eggs and got ready for our Easter festivities the next day. The kids awoke this morning to their Easter buckets filled with toys and treats! Nothing like a solid chocolate bunny to start the day!

After a light breakfast we were off to brunch at Sam and Christy's. The food was awesome, the company also as wonderful, and the game about the reason for Easter perfect. The kids had a great time playing, eating, searching for eggs and then playing the game where they taught me (the pretend Easter Bunny) about the reason we celebrate Easter. The Easter Bunny was shocked to hear that it wasn't about eggs and chocolate bunnies, ha ha ha!

We also managed to get a family photo at Sam and Christy's before we all headed off to church. I am SOOOO glad we did this before church...an outfit was ruined by throw up while at church! BUMMER!!!

The kiddos get ready to dye some eggs!

Cami and Carlee pose at brunch!

The kids get ready to hunt for the special eggs
that will help them teach the Easter Bunny (me today)
about the real reason for Easter!

Aren't I cute? NO!

As many of you know we recently welcomed a little one to our home, at least for a time. We have struggled with not putting this wonderful angels pictures here for all to see. BUT...until this baby's fate is decided....we feel it necessary to protect this baby's identity. We adore this little one more than words can say and there is no doubt that this little one belongs with us. We can't wait to show you this glorious angel of ours....one day soon we hope!

Happy Easter to you all! We hope that you have a magnificent day and that you are surrounded by family and those you love. We pray you especially feel the love of our Savior Jesus Christ as we celebrate His resurrection.

He lives....He is risen!

Camille's Baptism...

2009-03-28T21:58:00.006-04:00

Today Camille was baptized. What an amazing experience. We are so proud of her for making this decision and accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ. She was so excited, as were we. The program was simple but perfect. Alec gave a great opening prayer, Jakob gave a great talk on baptism, Cami sang the first verse of a song she picked ("If the Savior Stood Beside Me") and then we sang with her for the remainder of the song, Grandma gave a sweet talk on the Holy Ghost and everything ended with Grandpa's prayer. The big moments were the baptism and Cami receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost. She had to be dunked twice because her dress floated a bit the first time but the second time was perfect. Grandpa and Sam were witnesses, good thing for 2 witnesses because Grandpa missed the dress floating but Sam caught it. The Bishop, Grandpa, Sam, and Brian stood in the circle with Rob and confirmed her a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and gave her the Gift of the Holy Ghost. The Spirit was strong and tears of joy were shed as we witnessed this wonderful ordinance. We were so grateful that many of our friends and family could be there to share in this special day with Cami. We missed many of our extended family that couldn't make the trip but know they were with us in thought.

Here are some pictures from Camille's special day...

Rob brings Cami flowers on her birthday every year.
This year he saved them for her baptism day.
They looked great on the table.

Love this picture...what a Daddy's girl!
He adores his princess!

Camille and Daddy!

Isn't she beautiful???

Cami wanted to make sugar cookies
as her special treat after her baptism. Yummy!

Cami couldn't wait to have her own scriptures.
A tradition that the kids get their own set
engraved with their name on their baptism day.

And a cute tote to carry them in.

We love you Camille and are so proud of you and the wonderful choices that you make. You are such a sweet and loving little angel and we adore you. We know that Heavenly Father is very proud of you as well!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl...

2009-03-26T21:22:00.009-04:00

Camille turned 8 a couple days ago and I am FINALLY getting around to posting about it. Things have been a little (that's an understatement) crazy around here.

We had a rock-n-roll party last weekend. 15 girls ages 7-10 were here for the party and then 8 spent the night. It was crazy but a blast. The party goers arrived in rock-n-roll attire then ran around playing and screaming, then it was time for the decorating of the guitars. Paint, glitter, beads, jewels, etc. went flying as the girls went to town decorating and "glamming" up the guitars. Cami decided it was time for present opening (with much encouragement) and the wrapping paper and tissue paper went flying as well. She received a lot of really nice gifts and loved each one. Off they ran to devour cupcakes and sherbet before running and screaming some more. The chocolate hit them hard and it was mass pandemonium for awhile. Then Rob attempted to calm the masses and round them up for their rock-n-roll video debut. To the tune of "We Rock" from Camp Rock the girls rocked out and danced their hearts out.

Rob had labored at making a green screen and had plans to then put a digital background around the girls that made it appear they were on a stage somewhere. He had an AWESOME set up...BUT...the lights washed out the background and it didn't turn out nearly as well as we had hoped. If he can fix it to his satisfaction we will post it later.

Here are some snap shots of the party....

Guitar decorating.

Present opening.

Cupcake devouring.

Ready to rock out.
Stage name: Goldie Granborough

(Create your own stage name by making the name of your first pet your first name and the name of the first street you lived on as your last name, mine would be
Dusty Brentwood...not bad, ha ha ha).

I LOVE this picture. The girls had a blast rocking out!

Cami took play ground equipment to her class as her way of celebrating her birthday.
There are so many allergies with kids these day and what kid needs more treat bags full of pencils, stickers, and candy. This is a tradition we started and we love.
The class had one ball...let's just say the kids were excited to see what Cami brought.

Dinner at Red Robin, Cami's choice! Here they are singing to her. She was embarrassed but loved every minute of it!

I wish I had digital photos from Camille's first birthday but we had not gone digital yet. Here are some snapshots from her birthday's over the years.

Her second birthday...
Her 3rd birthday...the pouting princess!
Could you just melt from those big brown eyes???

Her 4th birthday...can you tell she loves the shoes? So her!

Her 5th birthday...

Her 6th birthday...

Her 7th birthday...

We can't believe that our sweet Camille is 8. She is such a delightful little lady and we adore her. She is patient, loving, kind, polite, beautiful inside and out, nurturing, honest, trustworthy, humble, forgiving, a hard worker, a friend to everyone....
the list goes ON AND ON.

We love you Camille and are so thankful to be your family. We also can't wait for your big day coming soon! Baptism photos to come later this week!

Love you Princess!

Happy Birthday Babe!

2009-03-19T22:00:00.008-04:00

To my love on his 35th birthday...

35 things I love about you.

I love...
- that you are so selfless.
-that you never speak ill of others.
-that you are an AWESOME dad!
-that you honor your the Priesthood.
-that you listen and you help whenever you can.
-that you have faith enough for the both of us when I fall short.
-that you have a love for the scriptures
and share it with our family.
-that you served an honorable mission.
-that you make me laugh.
-that you love music.
-that you can't dance even though you try.
-that you tricked me into our first date
even if you deny it to this day.
-that you work hard at EVERYTHING you do.
-that you keep your promises and honor your covenants.
-that you value honesty, integrity, and virtue
and teach these values to our kids.
-that you love me so completely and unconditionally.
-that you can calm me by just wrapping
your arms around me tightly.
-that you puff when you sleep
because I know that you're there always.
(Okay I will NEVER admit that again
so you might want to save this...ha ha ha)
-that you are true to yourself and what you believe
and not a conformist for the sake of fitting in.
-that you are such a great teacher.
-that you can do that snappy thing.
-that you look so hot in your Scouting uniform,
who would have thought!
-that you believe in me more than I often believe in myself.
-that you encourage me to achieve all my dreams.
-that you are a constant in the life of our family and our kids know you will always be there for them.
-that you are so handy and such a technical wizard.
-that you have the softest lips and the tenderest kiss.
-that you quote movies with me.
-that you love watching a great movie with me
and cuddling on the couch.
-that you're not afraid to speak your mind.
-that you are always looking for ways to improve yourself.
-that we've been together for over 12 years now
and there is so much more to come!
-that we have eternity to be together.
-that the Lord blessed my life with you!
-that I have the honor of calling you mine for time
and for all eternity. I love you baby!

Now....
what Rob loved about his day!

Rock Band 2 baby!

Chocolate cake....yummy!

And rockin' out with the kiddos!

Rock on!

(Cleaning disclaimer: Please ignore the baby toy mess...
I failed to pick them up after Elliot went home today.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!

WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Heidi, Jakob, Camille, & Alec

Blessings of Comfort and Direction...

2009-03-06T22:03:00.003-05:00

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON JAN. 27, 2009.
SOMEHOW I FAILED TO POST IT. I REGRET
THAT I DIDN'T BEFORE NOW, THIS WAS A WONDERFUL
EXPERIENCE THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.

Last night a very dear friend of ours came to our home to administer Priesthood Blessings to Rob and I. I had asked Rob to give me a blessing the night before but with his involvement in all of our recent adoption trials he felt (as did I) that maybe it would be better to have someone else administer the blessing. We both immediately thought of Sam. Sam is a dear friend and a member of our ward as well. Rob and he actually knew each other back in their teaching days at the MTC in Utah.

Sam, like Rob, holds the Priesthood and through that Priesthood can administer (give) blessings. There have been many times in my life when I have sought such blessings. Often when sick but also when seeking further direction and counsel about life's larger and deeply important decisions. My children have been blessed many times when ill or before their first day of school and even when they too needed some extra words of comfort from our Father in Heaven. The experience of receiving a blessing is indescribable in some ways. It is an experience to be cherished.

As Sam gave me a blessing I felt a peace come over me. My mind became clearer, my thoughts more organized. I was reminded of many important words of counsel from the scriptures and of other things I had through these past years experienced and had forgotten or failed to give due attention to. I don't feel it appropriate to go into great detail here but I will say that I am extremely grateful for this wonderful blessing the Lord provided me in this time of great need.

Rob's blessing was equally powerful and helpful to him. We discussed briefly with Sam afterwards the words spoken and all commented on the presence of the Spirit being so very strong in our home.

I am grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who seeks to bless His children in all that they do as they make every effort to follow His teachings and to live the commandments.

Why???

2009-03-06T21:56:00.001-05:00

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON FEB. 23, 2009.
WE FELT WE SHOULD WAIT TO PUBLISH IT...
NOW MAY BE A BETTER TIME.

Kind of an interesting question I often ask, "Why?". Well today is no different than any other. Sure there are many times a day to ask such a question and many circumstances in which we may ask it. But when it comes to understanding the events of life and how other lives can deeply effect our own, the questions begs for big answers sometimes. So I am drawn out in thought tonight as I contemplate "why" certain things have happened in the past few weeks. I am sure that it has all been for my learning and my growth, that these events were all part of something bigger than I have any knowledge of. I also think about how others lives can so deeply and lastingly impact ours. We are all given this beautiful gift of agency. The freedom to choose. The Lord gives us this gift freely and without any "strings attached". Yet at the same time He possesses the power to take it away yet....He will not. Why? Because He loves us that much. He loves us enough to let us make our own mistakes and to (hopefully) learn from them. He loves us enough to know that with His teachings we can make those mistakes right again, that we can repent and gain forgiveness. This gift of forgiveness extends beyond ourselves to others when we have in some way wronged another, possibly through the misuse of our own agency.

I have tried very hard throughout life to make good choices and especially make sure that my choices don't adversely effect another. I have failed to achieve this at times, as we all do. Thankfully I have a forgiving and loving Father in Heaven that stands ready to hear my prayers of repentance and awaits the opportunity to pour out His love and blessings of peace upon me. I know that I will fail again (likely much more often than I wish to) to make the best choices but it will always be my intention to make the best choice I can and to be sure that it doesn't hurt another.

So "why" this post? I'd rather not say right now. It is really written for someone we truly care about but who has chosen a road we cannot travel. I will say this for what it is worth...I understand. If you happen to change your mind you know where to find me. I may not understand "why" but I don't need to, I just need you to know that we are here if you see things differently in the coming days. I meant everything I said, and I think I said it all. You know how to reach me. We'll keep praying for you, the kids still are.

Fun Times Despite The Latest Setback...

2009-03-01T20:18:00.007-05:00

The Pinewood Derby was this past week. Jakob had fun making his car and he was extra excited because Owen (in the blue and yellow shirt) came and he had built a car too! The boys did great, Owen came in 5th overall and Jakob in 8th overall. They had fun and we loved watching them enjoy every minute of it. Don't know what Nicholas (the Scout in the khaki shirt was doing when I snapped this shot but his expression is funny). Thanks Owen for participating with Jakob, it was great to have you and the family there! I know Cami enjoyed JuJu's company as well.

Somehow I missed getting critical pictures, such as the cars up close...but here is Jakob's car on the track he's in lane #3 (closest to him-the orange and black car). He came in 1st once during the first heat and then 2nd twice in that same heat.
It was the 2nd heat that didn't go as well.

Cami had a music performance this past week as well. She did great, as did the entire 2nd grade of her school. They sung songs about being good citizens. She even had a speaking part. She said, "I will show respect for others regardless of who they are."
She did awesome!

Afterwards she posed with Alec for a picture!

I had the amazing privilege of seeing two of my college roommates this weekend. Our families traveled to a central destination and met at a hotel. We spent Friday night playing games, chatting, getting caught up, and letting the kids play. Saturday we swam and then played and visited some more. The time flew but it was better than nothing. I loved getting to see them.

Here are Suz (on the left) and Sara. Suz and I shared a room together in our 2 bedroom apartment at BYU and Sara shared a room with our other roommate Jane. We had some great times at BYU and made some lasting memories. When Suz walked in with a large bag of Marshmallow Maties we cracked up laughing as we recall Sara snuggling a bag (we have pictures to prove it). Cereal such as this was a treat! Suz also came equipped with other memory gifts. He gift to Rob....(not a roommate but he was there visiting a lot when he and I were engaged) a "Pit" survival bag. For those of you that don't know about "The Pit" was what we called the apartment Rob lived in shortly after he and I got engaged. It was a basement apartment that was disgusting. He moved there to save money (bless his heart) and ended up dreading it. His roommates (Jim excluded) didn't shower nearly as often as they should have and they cooked some crazy food that would cause the whole place to reek. His clothes would absorb the smell and then he would smell bad. It was a rough time for him. He'd wash his clothes and then wrap them tightly in garbage bags to keep them from absorbing the smell. His survival kit contained a box of Pasta Roni (a staple for him), a bar of soap, shampoo, a washcloth, deodorant, etc. We laughed. Poor guy, he showered, washed his clothes, etc., but he was subject to the filth of his roommates. What a man won't do to save money for his future with his sweetheart. Suz also gave me a Old Navy gift card. I worked at ON when we were roomies and she used to love to shop there are well...let's just say my discount was well used!

The little ones in the picture are Suz's youngest, Seth,
and Sara's youngest, Paul.

We attempted a group shot before we parted ways. This was a boo boo, I was setting the timer and it took this picture. I loved it so I had to post it. Rob has the "deer in the headlights" look, Suz has her eye shut, Seth making the quick escape attempt, Amy yawning, Cami and Jakob looking blindly at the camera, Alec looking annoyed, Anna and Alyssa looking at the others....CLASSIC!!!

Okay...the real deal now.
It actually turned out pretty good.....6 adults and 11 kids!

My little chefs helped with dinner tonight. We made
Southwest Shredded Chicken 3 Bean Chili. I love this recipe.
It is filling, yummy, and super easy to make.
The kids love dumping all the canned stuff in.
Follow the link by clicking on the recipe name above
and you too can have this yummy chili for dinner.

The kids were a great help and they all wore their chef hats and aprons that Grandma made them. We had a lot of fun! I love cooking and baking with the kids!

Jakob was the designated "stirrer"!

Alec was the designated "dumper".

Cami was the designated "go to girl".

Then we had to make cookies too...of course.
It was fun and yummy too!

After all this fun and excitement I hate to tell the latest on the adoption front. We heard a couple of weeks back that there was a birth mother interested in our family. She wanted to meet with us. We conversed with her via email for 2 days before we met. We drove 4 hours to meet her and had a lovely meeting. She is a lovely woman and we felt a great love for her instantly. After our meeting we continued to converse via email for a couple of days, things were coming together and we were working through some concerns we had. Then on Monday of this past week we got a call from our caseworker, it appears as though there was never a baby to adopt. We don't know the entire story nor have we heard from the birth mother since, but we are praying for her. If there truly is no baby then my heart breaks for her and she must be in real need of something that this situation gave her or offered her. I wish I could understand fully.

Sorry to those that didn't know about this latest event until now, we kept it to ourselves for reasons we hope you can understand even if you may not know them all.

As for our journey...it continues.
We know that our family is not complete...in time it will be!

Some Pictures and Happenings As of Late....

2009-02-15T10:55:00.010-05:00

So what do you think of our new blog design???

Thanks to a wonderful and extremely talented blog designer
at cgdesigns we received this beautiful blog design.
Cassie did a giveaway on her birthday, how sweet is that,
and we won. Thank you Cassie for a much needed
and very fun blog makeover. We love it!!!
(Check out her button {link} on the right below the kids photos.)

Here are some pictures from our last snow storm.
We had 4 straight days off of school and we had
a great time sledding down the hill in the backyard,
building a snow barrier/wall, building snowmen, sliding down
the slide filled with snow, making snow angels,
and enjoying some yummy hot chocolate when it was all done.

Alec heads off down the hill....

Time to trek back up the hill...like our barrier/wall?
This keeps the kids from crashing into the brush
at the bottom of the hill.

Our neighborhood was covered!

Look what the kids came up with....
looks kind of dangerous, huh?
It worked well and no injuries (thank goodness).

One very unhappy sledder.
He crashed and rolled and got his face all wet...poor guy!

Jakob had an occasional wipe out as well.

"Beat you to the top."

Rob FINALLY gets a chance to use his lawn tractor
with its newest addition...the snow plow blade.
He was waiting for this chance for months.
Happily I can report that it works beautifully!

Alec and Julia enjoy pretending to be veterinarians.
When I asked Julia why she was caring for a baby at a vet hospital
she said, "I am a people doctor too!"

Our little Alec lost his first tooth tonight!
He was so brave and let me pull it out!

He thoroughly enjoyed his milkshake afterwards,
and especially sticking the straw through the new hole in his mouth!

The coming week is full of adventure as are all weeks in our home. We can't wait to see what the future holds for our family. We hope it is full of fun, laughter, and we're sure many lessons.
Have a great week everyone!

PLEASE Continue Telling Us What You Think...

2009-02-06T21:49:00.011-05:00

We so very much appreciate hearing the thoughts of others about our adoption journey. It gives us a better perspective of where others are coming from and how they may feel about this journey we are taking. There have been times when we have been quite surprised at people's reactions to our adoption happenings. It seemed when we started this journey everyone was supportive, but as time went on the number of supporters dwindled.

So we ask that you still share your thoughts with us. We feel it is important to view this from many angles, as is everything in life. We would like to take some time to respond to some of the comments that have been made.

Kayla said: "You guys have been through so much. I could never go through that much. I do know that every time I have heard of couples trying to adopt, it is always a huge roller coaster ride, for both sides. I have a friend who is a teacher at the girls school and told me the other day that they are going to be starting the whole adoption process in Feb. I feel happy for her, but at the same time I almost wanted to "warn" her of the all the up's-and-down's that will be ahead of her, just listining to what has happend to you guys. I had a very close friend in High school who at 17 got pregnant, made the dificult choice to place the baby up for adoption then several months after having that baby got pregnant again (I think this happend due to the stress she was feeling over placing her baby up for adoption, she craved attention) and placed that baby with the same family! I got to see the side of the birth mother. It was horrible. It scared the c*** out of me! To this day she still strugles with her desision. She is now married and a mom again. Her own husband does not even know of this part of her life due to the fact that she struggled with it for so long. I can never imagine going through that. I know the family that adopted both her children were extremly gratefull, they had been on a adoption list for 2 years and had pretty much gone through all the things you guys have been going through, but they had no children of there own to come home to and help cheer them up. It is sad. I also have Cathy, my stepmom, who wanted children more then anything in the world. Married my dad who had 2 children and at first was not interested in more. A few years after getting married came around to the idea of having more, and after things did not go as smoothly this time around, She had Invetro done 3 times. This was also a horrible thing to witness. The stress this put on there marriage and our family was aganizing. I will never forget the last time they did it, they knew they could not both financially or emotinaly go through it again, I remember being at there house when they got home from the appointment finding out it did not work. I have never seen someone so hurt. So because of this i have "opinions" about families adopting babies when they already have children of there own. I almost feel that a baby being adopted by a family who already has children, is almost taking away a chance of having a baby from a family that is un-able to have any children. Im sorry if that is hard to hear. I have been through a lot with my dad and Cathy. I went through a lot with my friend. I am not a religous person, Im not the best at giving advice and not everyone agrees with my oppinons. Just hold onto the 3 little angels you have been blessed with and everything will fall into place the way it is supposed to work out!"

Kayla mentions the adoptive parents of her friends children as having been "on an adoption list for 2 years". Now I don't know how long ago exactly that this was nor what kind of an agency it was that she worked with BUT....my understanding is this: we are a family among many others that is wishing to have/complete their family through adoption. We are NOT on a list that the agency treats with any kind of priority or "first come first serve" kind of basis. In the US today birth mothers and their families are given choices as to the family that they pick. In the olden days babies were born and whisked away to parents the birth mother never knew or hardly knew anything about (this was a barbaric act), the birth mother had little or no say in who adopted her child. Likely at that time there were lists that people waited on. Nowadays there are not such lists (at least not with any agency for which I am aware). A birth mother wishing to place her child for adoption is asked very specific questions about what she wants for her child. These questions can cover everything from age, nationality, number of years married, number of children already in the home, religion, etc, etc. Once she has made her preferences known THEN profiles for suitable matches are gathered and shown to her. She can then choose from these families or if none of them appeal to her then more are sought out from other agencies. There are MANY times I am sure that our profile has never been seen by a mother wishing for her child to go to a home where there are no other children. But I also know that it has been shown to mothers that specifically asked for a home where there are other children already. I COMPLETELY understand why someone that did not know of this practice would then feel that we were somehow preventing a couple with no children from adopting because we had been "on the list first" (which like I said, these don't exist). We are not trying to take children from childless homes, we are trying to complete our family.

Many of my friends and others that I know have talked extensively upon having "their last child" that they felt "done". Many have expressed that they simply KNEW that their families were complete and that they were content to be "done". I imagine this feeling will one day come for me. It has not yet! When we found out that Alec was not a multiple I KNEW that there were more children to come to our home. We don't feel complete yet. One day we will.

Kayla also said, "I almost feel that a baby being adopted by a family who already has children, is almost taking away a chance of having a baby from a family that is un-able to have any children." I can see your point Kayla, but I hope that my explanation above clears up why I don't feel like we are preventing a childless couple from having a baby. I believe that they will get their babies, their families will be complete. I trust that Lord will deny none the blessing they want. Cathy may not have bore children in this life but one day she may. I know that you say you aren't a religious person so that thought may be strange to you, but I believe it to be true. Why would the Lord not want us to have children, especially when they are so wanted. I am sorry for the experiences Cathy and your dad had, they truly are heartbreaking. I see that they have added to their becoming the great, genuine, compassionate, and loving people they are today. It is evident in how they care so well for you and your family how much family means to them.

Thanks Kayla for sharing your thoughts!

"Jessica said: We have been riding the adoption train, or perhaps I should say roller coaster, for 7 years now. We have 3 beautiful boys all adopted. Our hearts have been broken many times, our hopes crushed, and have felt many of the things you described. As hard as it has been I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. We have learned so much and grown so much. We are strong together and stronger in our faith. The hardest part of adoption is it is contingent on other's free agency. A most precious gift given to them by their Father in Heaven. A gift I have learned to treaure more myself. As hard as it is to watch them make choices that in your heart you know might not be for the best, there is the other side. When they do choose selflessly, when they do willing place that gorgeous baby in your arms with a spiritual confirmation of righteous peace, there is truly no sweeter gift. Hang in there. I know Heavenly Father knows your hearts and has great things in store for you soon."

Jessica I completely agree that the experience has been worth it. Sure it has almost killed me at times I have felt, but it has taught me so much. We too are stronger and a stronger family more well rooted in our faith.

It is hard to see anyone make choices that you fear will cause them pain and possibly that of a child as well, but agency is a gift that the Lord has given each of us and as you said. Our agency is exactly that... "ours"... and we cannot will nor force another to yield theirs to ours. Agency is a gift to be treasured and used with wisdom and patience. Thank you for sharing your story with us, it means so much to know we are not alone. We pray your family is complete soon and that you and the mother(s) of your children feel the peace you mentioned, a peace every mother is entitled to have. Thank you!

"Millicent said: I read this post a couple of days ago and have been thinking about what I wanted to say. I big part of me feels you should get a baby (or two). I am praying for your family. But then a small part understands why people might think you shouldn't adopt because you already have 3 kids. With so many people trying just to adopt their first. But only God knows your true purpose and what should happen. I feel in my gut you are meant to adopt. But what do I know? I do know you seem like a wonderful family that treasures the children they do have and those to come. I will continue to pray for you."

Nice to hear from you again Millicent. Hope that life has been treating you well! Well said, and I do SO VERY MUCH feel blessed and grateful for the three wonderful children I already have. I cannot imagine life without them, they are my greatest treasures. You are right, only God knows who is meant for my family. He knows each one of them personally as He knows me as well. He has a plan for our family, and it includes completion through adoption, we wouldn't be on this journey if that were not the case. Thank you for your thoughts and your continued prayers. They are much appreciated!

"Cynthia said: I think it is a loving thing that you would go through so much to try and bring another child into your family. We went on a similar journey but our family was built via expensive and difficult fertility treatments. I understand many of the emotions involved. In our case, I felt the most selfless thing *I* could do was to build our family that way. I could become pregnant (male factor) and I knew that if we tried to adopt we, as a couple who COULD have a baby, would be taking away the opportunity to adopt from couples (like my neice who had a full hysterectomy at 26) who had no other alternative. Without adoption she'll NEVER become a Mother. I just couldn't feel right about taking away an opportunity from her (or someone in a similar position) to become a Mother at all simply because I wanted more for myself. I don't know what the answer is in your situation. Every situation is individual but if this many opportunities have fallen through perhaps there is a different lesson the Lord wants you to learn through all of this. I wish you peace and happiness with whatever you decide. My niece just had a twin adoption fall through on Christmas Day so things are a little raw still around here too. When people found out we had been doing fertility treatments they'd say things like 'You should JUST adopt', as though it was a simple easy solution. I think the fertility treatments were far easier for me than adoption would have been but I understand undergoing another pregnancy is not in the cards for you. Just don't miss out on what you have pining for what you didn't get. Easier said than done I know. I hope I haven't offended as it is not my intention but you did ask."

Cynthia, I can see why you would feel that if you COULD become pregnant that you should do so instead of adopting. If I could have more babies but simply chose not to, then that would be different. I agree that if it is possible one should try but I too believe that for some that struggle as much as you did with fertility that depending on your personal capacity to deal with the emotions involved, one may choose to pursue adoption rather than the costly, painful, and uncertain road of fertility treatments. We took fertility drugs to get pregnant with 2 of our 3, we never did the costly and invasive procedures that many do. My experience with infertility pales greatly to one such as yours. Regretfully my fertility issues were not the only problem we had. When we were told we shouldn't have more children ourselves I was devastated.

I am making it a priority to not let this adoption journey rule my life and keep me from enjoying my children. They are far to precious. I admit at times the adoption process can consume me and I can be less aware of the blessings already in my life. This is a lesson I think we all learn throughout life on many different levels. That is sage advice and duly noted. You have not offended, you have shared your personal thoughts and feelings. I respect and appreciate them. Thank you for reading of our experiences and for sharing your thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I commented briefly on Adam's remarks and feel my comment will suffice for now. Mom, Auntie Carol, and Cathy...thank you for your continued support, love, and prayers. I appreciate you weighing in on our post as well. I know Rob was really hoping (as was I) for some others out there to share their thoughts as well. Cathy you are family, whether you like it or not (ha ha ha)!

Thank you to all of you out there reading our posts, sharing your thoughts, and offering support when you feel it appropriate. We appreciate all of you so very much! To anyone else wishing to share their thoughts, PLEASE DO. We welcome them all!

Please Tell Us What You Think...

2009-01-30T23:32:00.007-05:00

If someone had asked me when we began this journey if I thought this process would take years and involve many painful and tumultuous surprises....I would have likely said, "No, I don't anticipate that it will be that difficult." BOY WOULD I HAVE BEEN WRONG!!!

I don't have much energy (currently fighting a nasty cold) but I am amazed, appalled, disturbed, distraught, disheartened, and just plain baffled by the time and tumult of this adoption journey. I have a post of comfort to post once I get Rob's two cents about it (he's taking forever to add his thoughts) but I just had to get this out there. Here is a brief (I spared many details) history of our journey thus far. This is the 4 major failures we have had, this DOES NOT include the smaller and almost equally as painful ones. I say in advance, this is from our perspective, based on the information we received and what we knew to be true/fact. We can only share here OUR experiences with each instance.

We would love to know what you think about this after you read it. Click on the link below that says "4 Comments" (or however many there are when you read this) and tell us what your thoughts are....REALLY WE WANT TO KNOW!!!

{Some names have been changed.}

Back in 2004 my husband and I decided that adoption was the only answer to completing our family. We had been blessed already with 3 beautiful children (Jakob, Camille, and Alec). We struggled for years with fertility problems, a miscarriage, extremely difficult pregnancies, and numerous health problems caused by pregnancy. I was advised by various doctors to not become pregnant again. We were devastated, yes it was extremely difficult getting pregnant, being pregnant, and suffering through a year of health problems after each child was born, BUT our family was not complete.

We had talked about adoption before moving from XXXX to XXXX in 2004 but put it off because our youngest was 10 months at the time and with such a large move, a new home, job, etc. it was just going to have to wait a bit longer. In October of 2005 I was sorting through some papers on the counter in our kitchen when I came across our adoption paperwork still in the envelope it was mailed to us in. I had taken it out of a nearby cupboard and then placed it back again numerous times since we had requested it a few months prior. As I stood there holding these papers and preparing once again to place them in the cupboard I felt a undeniable presence and a voice speak clearly to me saying, “Don't wait, don't wait.” I felt this presence was that of a young man. Tears began to stream down my face, I knew the time had truly come to pursue the remaining spirits meant for our family. I told my husband of the experience and we began immediately to complete and process our paperwork.

In mid 2006, a few months after completing our adoption paperwork and many of our agency's requirements we posted our adoption profile on line with an adoption web site. In just a few months we were contacted by a birth mother. Monica was a single mom with a 3 year old daughter and she was expecting again. She was due in June of 2007. She was then living in XX but wanting to return to XX, where she called home. Throughout the coming months we helped her move into and settle in an apartment which ended up being just minutes from our home. This was our first experience with a birth mother and although we had no idea what to do, we put our faith and trust in the Lord and did what we thought was right by being a friend and support to Monica and her young daughter. We were invited to the ultrasound where the baby's sex was to be identified. We were so excited. It was a baby girl. I cried when I saw her there on the monitor. Could this be the little girl we had prayed for, the one our daughter prayed for everyday? We had pictures of our little lady, Monica seemed still so committed and we began making more plans. A nursery was decorated, a name was chosen, family and friends had been notified and shared in our joy. We felt so blessed and so elated.

The spring months of 2007 came, final touches were being made on the nursery and suddenly Monica grew distant. At one of my oldest son's baseball games I got a call from Monica. She just wanted to chat. But when I shared with her the news of the nursery almost being complete and how my mom had flown out from XX to help me finish sewing all the crib bedding, she ceased talking and quickly got off the phone. A red flag went sailing up inside me. Was she changing her mind? The following Saturday while at an adoption seminar our caseworker pulled us aside and told us that Monica had contacted him and said that she couldn't go through with the adoption, it was Mother's Day weekend.

I was shocked, despite the red flag experience the week prior. I couldn't believe it. And even worse was that after all these months of building this friendship she didn't have the decency to call me herself to tell me. I was devastated, as was my entire family. As my life unraveled before me at the loss of this child I was left feeling hopeless to complete my family. I couldn't do it without adoption. My family rallied around us, friends extended their sympathies, and we began the process of mourning the loss of this child we had waited and prepared for. This child we waited for was now just a dream that seemed to allude us.

On Father's Day we got a call from Monica, she had given birth the night prior. This sweet child had thankfully made it safely into the world. The final blow was dealt on this day of celebrating fathers when she informed us that she had chosen the name “XXXXXX” for her daughter. The very name we had chosen. The odd thing was that we had never told Monica this was the name we had chosen. We suppose she was destined to always have this name. I hung up the phone and wept as I have never before. I felt completely alone, abandoned, and hopeless.

The coming months brought clarity, a stronger testimony and a greater faith. I would listen to a song which brought comfort, “Prove Me”. To this day I cannot hear the part which says, “I will step into the fire so Your love can purify me. And I'll stay until You say I am through. Wash away all the flaws and every earthly imperfection, until my will turns to You. Until I trust without hesitation. When humility has chased away the pride. Until the day through Your grace I'm welcomed home. Until then, prove me.” I felt I had stepped into the fire (or been pushed a little maybe) and I needed to stay until He said I was through. I knew that would be hard, excruciating at times, but necessary to accomplish the completion of my family.

We made it through the summer and in early September heard about a birth mother in XX that was due to have a baby boy and wanted to meet us. Within days we were making plans for Alec (my youngest) and I to travel to XX to meet her. Rob stayed at home with our two school aged children. Alec and I left for XX on September 12th 2007. I met Cathrine on the 14th and things went beautifully. We instantly felt a connection. We spoke multiple times a day and Andrew was born the evening of the 16th. Drama erupted in the hospital as the birth father (who had broken off a relationship with Cathrine) began denying paternity. His parents insisted on a paternity test. One was conducted and the results were due to arrive around the 26th. Nothing was allowed to be done in the meantime with regards to the adoption because Mark wanted to know first if he was the father. We received the results on the 25th. Cathrine and I had spoken often and spent many days together between the 16th and the 25th. She called me to tell me the results. Mark was in fact the father. His response to the news, “get the paperwork ready and let's get rid of him”. We thought for sure that the adoption would go through and that both what Cathrine and we wanted would come to pass. The 27th brought a change of heart on Mark's behalf. His parents had convinced him he needed to be a father despite his desire to have nothing to do with Cathrine. The roller coaster continued for days. Rob and the older kids arrived on the 29th for a couple of days to meet Cathrine and we had hoped Mark also. Mark would not meet us. On the 1st of October we spent a couple of hours with Cathrine at a local park and got to hold, feed, change, and love on Andrew. It was great but heartbreaking all at the same time. What was going to happen? Late that night Cathrine called and told me she had dropped Andrew off at Mark's parents home and that she was heading back to school, they were going to try to parent separately but together. Normally this would not sound like a bad outcome but there is much to the story I have left out. For the sake of time I will just say this, Mark wanted nothing to do with Cathryn, he didn't want Andrew, Mark's parents wanted him only to keep Cathrine from Andrew as they intended to take her to court to prove her unfit and abolish her from his life forever, Mark continued to be abusive to Cathrine and she continues to make poor choices. Not a good environment for Andrew to grow up in. We hurt for this little boy caught in the middle of this fight where he was the weapon of choice. On October 3rd, after spending three weeks in XX we headed home empty handed.

Recovering from the loss of Andrew was much easier than expected, I believe partially because we went into it with our eyes wide open.

Not much happened between October 2007 and June of 2008, a few leads that led nowhere despite many attempts to put the word out that we were wanting to adopt. A website and blog were created. We had a t-shirt and sweatshirt made advertising our web site and expressing our desire to adopt made that we wore to museums and outings and which I wore to Disneyland while on a trip with my mother, aunt, and cousin. A friend and I did a booth to promote adoption at local flea markets once a month. Magnets were made along with letters that were mailed to friends and family. We did numerous things to promote our family and spread the word, things many of our other adopting friends couldn't believe. But we were on a quest, a quest to find our children. For months nothing was happening. We began working with another worker within our agency in a neighboring state whom a friend had introduced us to. She began showing our profile to birth mothers.

At T-ball game for my youngest son in June of 2008 I got a call from our caseworker in XX. She had met with a birth mother who had given birth two days prior. This birth mother wanted to place her son for adoption and wanted to meet us. My parents happen to be in town so they stayed with our kids while my husband and I traveled that night to XX to meet Babara the next morning. We arrived at the hospital early that morning nervous and elated as well. We met Barbara, her mother, and the baby boy we named Tyler. It was a great experience. Barbara and her mother were wonderfully genuine and caring people. We felt very blessed to become part of their lives and them part of ours. We spent a number of hours with them before returning to the hotel to prepare for our taking Tyler home the next day. Due to XX law we had to stay in the county the mother resided in until her rights were terminated at a court hearing a few weeks later. We got a suite at an area hotel and set up to bring Tyler there the next morning. We went back to the hospital the following day to say goodbye to Barbara and her mother and to take our son to our temporary home. It was Saturday, the following day was Father's Day. We had a spectacular afternoon with Tyler. He was so sweet and such a great baby. I think we put him down maybe a couple times, mostly to change his diaper. We were in love with this little angel. Plans were made for my mom to bring the kids up to meet him in the coming week. We had a great weekend, a Father's Day with a new son. We thought our dreams had finally come true, that our prayers had been answered. Monday morning Rob prepared to drive home to finish up some work he had to complete, gather some items for home that we needed, and to return in a couple days with the kids and my mother. He kissed Tyler and myself goodbye and began the drive home. Tyler and I went to the store to pick up some food and needed items. While trying to find some thank you cards for the many social workers and others involved in this glorious weekend my cell phone rang.

An adoption worker from our agency was calling. I figured it was about paperwork or something of that nature. Never would I have thought he would tell me what he did. He informed me that Barbara had called to say that she had changed her mind. She wanted Tyler back. I stood in the store in shock. I don't really recall what I said after that, but it was brief and I quickly got off the phone to call Rob to tell him to come back. There was no way I could take Tyler back by myself. Rob was equally as shocked. We were told we had to return him to the agency by 4 o'clock that afternoon.

The following few hours were spent crying, packing, and preparing Tyler to be returned to the agency where Barbara would be picking him up later. I felt my heart was literally breaking inside me. I managed to pack the room and all its contents fairly quickly and spent the remaining time saying my goodbyes to Tyler.

We drove to the agency where we met the worker who had called us and Cathy (a fellow worker of our original worker Kathie) who had been with us at the hospital on Saturday. We waited while they prepared a place for Tyler to wait for his mother and then I handed him to Cathy. I felt like I was giving away a part of me. I kissed his sweet little head as tears streamed down my face and I said goodbye. Rob and I quickly left as we could no longer hold in our anguish. We both sobbed as we left the agency and headed to the car to head home.

At that moment I was so very grateful to have three children to be going home to. I can't imagine what a couple with no children would have done in that situation, what unimaginable despair they would surely feel. As we drove home little was said, both Rob and I reflected continually on the events of the past hours. What we did say was how grateful we were for the children we did have, going home to them was our salvation. The days that followed were difficult as our daughter and sons grieved in their own fashion along with us. Our daughter in particular struggled greatly. She had never met Tyler, she had only seen his picture, but the thought of him, the idea of another brother to love and to help care for was so meaningful to her. I struggled with knowing what to do to best comfort her when I found great difficulty finding comfort myself.

Truly inspired was an idea to go to Build-A-Bear. It came to me that if I could somehow give her something to nurture, even if it was a stuffed bear, that maybe she could heal a bit. She loved the idea and we made plans to go the following day. Each child picked an animal that they named Tyler. Each child made a special wish for him and kissed his little heart and placed it inside him. It took everything I had not to burst into tears in the store.

This little trip did what we needed it to for Camille. Along with prayers, a lot of talking, and “Tyler Bear” she recovered in time. She and I worked on quilts in memory of him, I am ashamed to say that I have failed to finish mine, it is painful to work on. I know in time I will be able to complete it. It was just in the past two months that I was able to put away his outfit and pacifier that he had the day we had to take him back.

After this experience we truly questioned whether adoption was something we were meant to pursue. I would have likely ceased our efforts had it not been for the conviction that I felt and the confirmation from the Lord that we were to complete our family and that adoption was our only avenue to do so. I am grateful beyond words for the three beautiful children I have and if they were to be the only children we have we would be extremely blessed. But there are more to come, there are more spirits for which I knew and loved in the pre-existence. I believe with all my heart that I knew them, that when it was my time to begin this earthly journey that we bid each other goodbye knowing one day the Lord would bring us together again, never to be apart, a family forever.

In the months that followed Tyler's return to his mother we did our best to move forward, to provide normalcy for our children in their everyday lives, and to heal. It was a phone call on September 11th of 2008 that lead us to believe that maybe we really could move on. We were contacted by the father of a young woman who had attempted parenting with her baby's father but had decided that mothering was not for her. She was overwhelmed, was pawning things to buy diapers, and wanted to place him for adoption with us. She had heard of us before she delivered in April and wondered if we were still interested in adopting her son Jayden. In a matter of hours the phone calls were made back and forth. Plans were made, papers completed, appointments made. Amanda (the birth mother) didn't have a phone so this complicated things a bit but we were not going to be discouraged, after all we had been through already, we had learned to be faithful and to plow past the doubt and any road blocks.

A caseworker with the Department of Child Services in Indiana where Amanda lived had been assigned to her and Jayden at a point when Amanda had been homeless a few months prior. This caseworker became involved in the arrangements for us to adopt Jayden. To make a long story as short as possible, after a time was set to meet on the 19th to sign final papers and to take Jayden home with us we began preparing for a new son. The days were a whirlwind of phone calls, prepping the nursery, packing for his pick up and ride home, etc. We were cautious still, after all we had been through, but things just seemed to be coming together so perfectly.

Less than 24 hours before we were to arrive in Indiana to do paperwork and to take Jayden home the caseworker assigned to Jayden took him from the home. She knew that we were coming the following day, in fact she knew that we could be there in just over an hour to get him that very day, but she chose to take him into the states custody. I will spare you details, but it is safe to say that there was no legitimate reason for her actions. A hearing was scheduled for the afternoon of the 19th where Jayden's fate would be determined. I should note here that Jayden was placed in a “foster to adopt” home. Instead of contacting his family first to see about placing him with them, or placing him in an “emergency foster home” until family could be notified, they placed him in a “foster to adopt” home. We have been told by numerous lawyers and state workers that this is unheard of.

We attended the hearing (although we were not allowed past the doors into the courtroom and had to remain in the hall). The caseworker denied our existence despite the fact that she had spoken both with us and with our caseworker in Ohio. A fellow caseworker of hers even came out of the courtroom just prior to this and learned of who we were and didn't later acknowledge our presence. This was frustrating to say the least.

As far as we know Amanda and her family are still in a battle with DCS to get Jayden in the custody of his grandparents. His grandparents don't want him to be a child of the foster system. We pray that one day he is allowed to be with his family.

My Savior has carried me. He has lifted me from the depths of my greatest sorrows. He has gently led me forward when I have been frozen with fear. He has refined me well beyond the point which I ever believed I would be able to endure. And why has He done this, because He loves me. All of this has been for my good, to make me more of what I know I am supposed to be...more like Him. I have looked at others in their lives appearing to go about merrily and without trials. But do I truly know of their grief, of their struggle? Likely not because there are many that do not see mine nor understand it. This past few years has taught me much of compassion, of giving others the benefit of the doubt, of instead of seeking to judge, seeking to know how I might help. After having lived it, I can see no better way for which He could have taught me.

So what are your thoughts on all this? Care to weigh in your opinion? Honestly, after everything we have been through we expect an array of responses....that is if you dare share!

PLEASE NOTE THE RESPONSE I MADE TO MY COUSINS COMMENT...HE BROUGHT OUT A POINT THAT I HAD FAILED TO MENTION HERE. FORGIVE ME FOR NOT MENTIONING EVEN BRIEFLY HERE THE OTHER SIDE OF ALL THIS....AN EQUALLY IMPORTANT SIDE TO CONSIDER, THAT OF THE BIRTH FAMILY. THANKS AGAIN ADAM!

Crazy Days....Nothing New Around Here (ha ha ha)...

2009-01-24T18:32:00.004-05:00

Friday was "Crazy Day" at the kids school and they couldn't resist the opportunity to dress crazy! Here they are in all their fashionable craziness! It could have been worse but we were lucky to pull this together last minute....I forgot what day it was!

All done up...

Jakob sported a "Who-Ville do" as he smooshed his hair into a mohawk type style. I think he looked quite "Who-ish", we called him "Jakob Do Who". He wore all his clothes inside out and backwards with shorts over his pants. Two different sneakers completed the ensemble.

Camille lived on the wild side of color and patterns as she threw together a mix of stripes and plaids in various colors. The differing sock colors and varying boot style and colors gave completion to the look of craziness. The hair....again similar to the do style of those who occupy "Who-Ville". "Cami Lou Who" chose an array of colored hair bands and clips as we painstakingly divided her hair into sections to be "ponyfied".

Jakob was quick to change his clothes when he arrived home but our sweet and ever so confident Camille wore her ensemble throughout the night, even to our friends house for dinner and games. They had a good time and I admit, I wish I could get away with such fashion atrocities sometimes. We all wish at times that we could escape our homes for the store or the post office in some outfit we put together that is extremely comfortable but lacking in visual appeal....come on...admit it!!!!

A Difficult Weekend....

2009-01-18T18:48:00.005-05:00

Hi all! Man this weekend has been exceptionally hard for many reasons that I don't feel I should go into now. But just when I thought it couldn't get any worse I got a call from Alec's Preschool teacher telling me that the school's director had unexpectedly passed away. What??? I am in shock. This woman was young, appeared to be in great health, was an amazing person and dear friend to many. She has young children, she was in the prime of her life. Why this and why now? I am reeling. I have known her for just over 4 years, now given I didn't know her exceptionally well, we didn't hang out together or anything, but we saw her a number of times a week for years and now she won't be there.

I think what hits me hard also is that this could happen to anyone, anytime....it could happen to me. We never know when the Lord will call us home and if we will have done all we needed to (and wanted to) before that call comes. It reminds me of my favorite Christian artist's song "If I Only Had Today". Hilary Weeks is an amazingly talented singer/songwriter and this song is amazing. A good reminder of how we should live each day, no regrets, to its fullest...we never know when it will be our last, if we will only have "today". (I will include the lyrics at the end of this post.)

As I said, I am in shock of this news. I didn't know her (leaving her name out on purpose) well but I knew from my associations with her that she was a sweet, tender, loving, fun, compassionate, patient, Christian, devoted wife and mother, and dear friend to many. She will be greatly missed. My prayers go out to her family.

So to all of you in the blogging world, I ask you to please do as I plan to...live and love each day as if it were your last. Be quick to forgive and slow to anger. Be gentle and loving to everyone you meet and give even the most undeserving the benefit of the doubt. Have no regrets and carry no grudges. Let us all love each other fully and without delay or expectation. Because we do have today, let's live it fully! God bless you all!

If I Only Had Today...

It seems like I've watched a million sunsets
And stared at a thousand full moons
Sometimes it feels like I've been here forever
And sometimes it all feels brand new

I could never count the heartbeats
From the day I was born until now
But not a single one goes unnoticed
By Him who breathes life in me somehow

But if there were no more tomorrows
If I knew that I could not stay
I know how I'd spend every moment
If I only had today

I'd hold you and listen
And I'd let the dishes sit in the sink
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I'd just let the phone ring
Then I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change
If I only had today

I'd wake up before the sun did
And I'd watch as you quietly sleep
I'd pray for time to move slowly
Knowing the moment won't keep

All the gifts that Heaven has given
Every blessing that's come my way
Wouldn't mean anything without you
So if I only have today

I'd hold you and listen
I'd memorize every detail of your face
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
I wouldn't let excuses get in the way
Then I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change
If I only had today

There's no time like the present
Life doesn't come with any guarantees
The sun will set and time won't wait

So while I have today

I'll hold you and listen
I'll let the dishes sit in the sink
I'll tell you I love you over and over
For once I'll just let the phone ring
And I'll remind you of forever
And how our love will never change
Because I have today

Written by Hilary Weeks
(From the Album titled "If I Only Had Today")

A Great Giveaway....

2009-01-17T21:53:00.002-05:00

Interested in possibly winning a Bumbleride Indie Twin Stroller??? It is really nice and comes with some awesome features. Go here to see about entering to win! Good luck! I know this would come in handy with the little ones we hope to welcome home in the future as well as little Elliot.

Random Ramblings....

2009-01-14T21:10:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it has been a week since I posted anything. I know that a lot has happened since then but for the life of me I cannot recall much of it.

A funny...the other night during Family Home Evening Alec was sitting on my lap and Rob was asking questions about the Holy Ghost. He asked who was authorized to bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost upon people. He raised his hand and when daddy picked him he leaned his ear toward my face thus prompting me to give him the answer. I whispered, "Those who hold the Priesthood." For which he translated into "Hoes and the Priesthood." We were rolling. He laughed as well at his funny but truly he had NO IDEA what he had just said wrong. HA HA HA!!!

The kids are doing swim lessons again and thankfully Alec is no longer sinking. Yes, I said sinking! He used to let go of the wall and sink. Or...he'd be pushed toward the wall by his teacher from a short distance away and he'd....SINK. Thankfully something in him has become buoyant and he now floats with greater ease. Yes, he still needs to learn some essentials but not sinking is huge!

We had friends over for games Saturday night, that was a lot of fun. We had a rain check to make good on with Sam and Christy and with the kids always complaining about not having enough time with friends (24/7 wouldn't be enough for them...really!!!!) we wanted to appease them and also spend some time with some other good friends. So Cathy, Craig, and kiddos came to join the fun. We're glad they could come too, it was a lot of fun and the girls kicked the boys bottoms while playing Taboo. They were being so cocky too...we were forced to humble them. Ha ha ha!

We got a bit of snow today, not nearly enough to satisfy our desire for some real snow. The kind you can play in, sled on, throw at each other, build a snowman with, etc. We are praying for snow! Although we maybe should be careful what we wish for! Rob has wanted a ton of snow and for the power to go out....WHY....because he has a snow plow blade mounted to his lawn tractor a generator that he is dying to use! I keep telling him that because we are more prepared we won't need them, if we were less prepared we'd likely get a ton of snow and a power outage....is that Murphy's Law or some other weirdos law.....don't know but it appears to be true here.

I am not much a TV watcher, I am more of a movie buff, but I do enjoy the show "Lost". I am anxious for the premier of the new season next week. Now I am not so anxious as to put one of the counter things on my blog or anything (Christy), but I am excited to see if they make sense of anything they have told us thus far. I have SOOOOO many questions.

Okay, enough of the rambling. I am exhausted and feeling the need to "jamify" myself (that is to put on pajamas) and get cozy in my bed while trying to give my attention to the recap of Lost from last season. My cozy bed and jam-jams are calling.

Blog to you later!

A New Year....

2009-01-01T11:49:00.003-05:00

For something different I thought I would share some stuff (8 things to be exact...since it was 2008) I have learned about myself in 2008, 9 hopes I have for 2009, and whatever else comes to mind I suppose. Can you tell I am sleep deprived??? Ha ha ha!

8 Things I learned about myself in 2008:

* I can handle a lot more disappointment than I ever thought I could.

* The Lord knows best....there is no denying it, don't bother trying to convince yourself otherwise, it is a complete waste of time and energy....TRUST ME!!!

* My family ROCKS. I have the greatest kiddos in the entire universe and the most amazing hubby the Lord ever created. I am more richly blessed than I ever realized. What a shame I didn't realize it more before. Lesson learned!

* Many things in life we simply cannot do alone and we need to allow others to help us, to support us, and allow them into our innermost moments of struggle. Letting others give service to me isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of humility (a lesson I am still learning every day....I pray it is an easier lesson in 2009).

* The Lord can often be a "Fourth Watch" God because he knows the toiling will be for our good and will teach us far more than we could ever imagine. Watch the video or listen to the talk when you click on the fourth watch link. It will deeply touch your spirit and further manifest the love the Lord has for you.

* I can't avoid squeezing and smooching my kiddos. I know for Jakob this can be really embarrassing in public at times but I adore these wonderful little people in my life and squeezing them and telling them I love them all the time is good for them. Mother knows best right, no wait, I already said the Lord knows best, so we know second best as mothers then, right?

* I truly dislike: touching dryer sheets (they feel strange before and after they have been through the dryer...yuck), inconsiderateness, when people swear and take the Lord's name in vain (especially when adults do it in front of their kids, then they act surprised when their kids say the same things), when I feel judged by someone that doesn't even know me, intolerance, and having to be patient and wait for something I really want (like a complete family) when it is a righteous and good thing to want (a lesson I don't know if I will ever learn fully).

* Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I never really know what their life has been like or where they are in life at that moment, maybe they are really struggling and my impatience or quickness to judge or become frustrated is not going to help the situation. Sometimes loving someone or offering them help is the hardest thing to do when you feel you've been wronged or slighted, but it almost always is the best road to take. I know I have been on both ends of this before and I am sure I will again and again. So if I have ever wronged you, offended you, hurt you unintentionally, etc. I hope you have and will give me the benefit of the doubt.

9 Hopes for 2009 (in random order):

* That our family is once and for all COMPLETE!!!

* That I can read my scriptures all 365 days of this year. I have tried before and failed, this is my year though...I will do it!

* To be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, sister-in-law, aunt, granddaughter, niece, cousin, and friend.

* To share the love of the Lord and His gospel with more people.

* Good health for all, safety from harm, and a better and cleaner world. That we all go a little greener.

* To give up Sprite...soda is so bad for me! I am really going to give it up this year!

* To live more like this quote from Spencer W. Kimball suggests: "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

* To help more people, to give more service than I receive, to show a greater degree of love to everyone, and to be a better listener to what others are not saying but really want to be saying.

* That I can live worthy of the Lord's many blessings in my life. Without Him I am nothing and I hope that throughout 2009 my relationship with Him grows stronger and deeper

There is so much more I have learned and so much more I hope for that I simply cannot include it all here. BUT...here are some of the highlights and I suppose the ones that most stuck out in my mind as I sat here.

Happy New Year to all, may 2009 be a great year for you all. I pray the Lord pours out His blessings upon you and your families.

I forgot to mention: WE FINISHED READING THE BOOK OF MORMON LAST NIGHT, after just over 4 years of reading it with the kids (almost) every night we finished reading it. The kids can now say they have read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. It was our goal to finish on December 31st and we accomplished this goal! Yippee!

Pictures Off Cami's Camera...

2008-12-28T21:33:00.005-05:00

Here are the pictures off of Cami's camera that
I took at the food bank and the train display. Enjoy!

Cami helps unload and hand off food at the food bank.

Jakob takes a box over to the volunteers.

Alec helps carry a box that weighed three times his own weight. What a helper!

The kiddos pose for a picture at the food bank. We are so proud of them. This was a great lesson for my kiddos in giving, a lesson we try to teach year round but especially this time of year. Thank you Owen, Julia, and family for your help in making this food drive a great success! We can't wait to do it again next year!

Some train display pictures...these do it NO justice,
it really is quite a site. One of the engineers said they start
in Sept. putting it all up. WOW!!!

Look at the detail....amazing!

Hope you have all had a very happy holiday
and are prepping for the welcoming of a great new year!

Promised Pictures...

2008-12-24T14:19:00.010-05:00

Here are the photos of the train display. I took more with Cami's camera but forgot the download those...oops....you can't really see any of the trains here, sorry!

Cami and Alec both enjoyed the view while in line
from atop the shoulders of the guys!
Thanks Daddy and Grandpa!

Alec had many things he wanted to do on his birthday.
One was to travel to the zoo for the Festival of Lights.
It was FREEZING!!!
But we had a good time and Alec's favorite part was
the train ride....surprise, surprise!

Cami's picture of Grandpa and Grandma
that she took with our camera!

AHHHHHHH, don't eat me!!!! LOL!

My birthday boy....he's such a doll!

The birthday boy and his Daddy, love this picture!

Alec surprised us when he wanted a store bought cake instead of homemade. Even more surprising was he picked this one, with flowers and what not over the one with balloons!

My latest addition to the walls of our home. The saying "forever, for always and no matter what is a favorite in our house. It was totally appropriate for the wall just under the kids pictures.

Our annual gingerbread house building. This time Grandpa and Grandma got to join us! Grandpa said he'd never done this before so we were even more glad he was here to enjoy it with us. I don't have a picture of the finished product, I will have to take one and post it later!

Hope you enjoyed the photos. It's been a busy week and it's going to get busier with all the guests we have coming but we are SOOOO excited to have a house full for the holidays. The only thing missing....more kiddos for our family!

BTW, I heard from Floyd today, Jayden should be coming to Ohio in the next few weeks. We are so glad that he will finally be where he belongs. Only time will tell what the future holds for this sweet boy!

Holiday Hustle and Bustle....

2008-12-21T23:10:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy week and weekend. I will try to recap as quickly as possible!

Monday I was without my other kiddos most of the day due to illness and so I ran about while my kiddos were at school and got my youngest sons teacher gifts taken care of. What a relief! The afternoon flew by as kiddos were in and out. I can't recall what happened Monday night but it was a crazy night and we didn't get a chance to get to FHE that night, it got delayed.

Tuesday Elliot was still not well and had me worried. I called his mom at work and then she became worried as well. Later that day while I was going to an appt. I forgot about with Elliot with me it began to snow and Cathy decided with the help of the nurse at the pediatric office that Elliot needed to be seen. I handed Elliot off to Cathy on the way to my appt. Later I found out that Elliot was okay just really sick with a cold, thankfully not pneumonia. I returned home from my appt. much later than I had hoped because of the weather and immediately started prepping for our dinner and the pick up of food for our neighborhood food drive. Last week the kids helped us distribute 100 fliers in our neighborhood offering people the chance to donate to an area food pantry. We headed out around 5:00 pm to collect. It was freezing but we had a total blast. Alec and Cami sorted the food into boxes while Jakob and I ran to the doors to grab boxes and bags, Rob was our chauffeur. We played Christmas music and had a really great time. We collected about 5 large boxes of food. Not as much as we had hoped for but still a nice donation.

Wednesday we had Julia and Elliot home with Alec and also two of our dear friends kids. Micheal was going in for a procedure and Jennifer needed to be with him (and of course wanted to be). So we were lucky enough to have the privilege of taking care of them for the day. Samantha and Spencer were great. We played and had a really great time. We made graham cracker houses (like gingerbread ones but with graham crackers) and did all kinds of imaginative play. I am told I make a really great monster! That night we were off to a Scout Pack Mtg. and then home for further preparations for Grandma and Grandpa's arrival the next day. Let's just say once we got home not much was done but hey, we're on vacation, right? (yeah right, a mother on vacation, that never happens! ha ha ha!)

Thursday the older kids had their parties at school and Rob and I played with the kiddos and here and there got small tasks done. It was a nice relaxing day despite the stress I felt building (not sure why). Later that night the boys and I went to the airport to pick up my folks while Rob took Camille to see the Nutcracker Ballet. What a great dad he is! Camille loved it!!! She did comment on the fact that the Nutcracker was wearing some awfully TIGHT tights though, LOL!!!!

Friday was the kicker! We got the older kids off to school, finished getting Alec ready and then took him to school. We waited around for the kids to all arrive and then Alec presented the class with his class gift. Being that his BD is so close to Christmas and they were going to be having treats anyhow with his party, we decided to not bring cupcakes or whatever for the class but to instead give the class a gift for their classroom to celebrate Alec's BD. Alec picked out a bunch of books and some trucks and we wrapped them up to give to the class. Each child got to unwrap a gift. It was adorable. Afterwards we headed home for a bit before returning for his party that afternoon. With the teachers gifts, camera, kiddos, etc. we loaded the van to head out. Just as we were getting ready to pull out of the garage my mom said that maybe they would drop us off at the school and then head over to run an errand and then come back and pick us up. I then suggested that they just take Rob's car instead and then they could be more leisurely on their errand. Little did I know at the time that this was in fact a prompting. While we were traveling to Alec's school for the party (Rob, Julia, Elliot, and me) we pulled up to the stoplight just at the corner near his school and when Rob stepped on the accelerator to go the engine just revved. WHAT??? Our transmission had gone out, or something of that nature. We were dead in the water so to speak. It had poured cats and dogs earlier so the embankment to the school was mud but our only option for getting to the school. Julia and I climbed with the teacher gifts and other needed items while Rob got Elliot and climbed the hill behind us. I called my folks who came in the other car. Rob called a tow truck while I went to the party with the kiddos. We just had the transmission replaced in this van less than 4 months ago. To make a long story short....my mom came with the car and picked up me and the kiddos, we went home where my mom then left to go to the dealership to meet Rob and my dad and bring them home. We all ended up at home in time to get kids off buses and to begin trying to figure out how we were going to survive the week with one car that seats 5... tightly. A rental car was booked and we began the wait for the verdict with our van (which won't come till sometime Monday). We did our little Christmas gifts with my other kiddos and of course Cathy did much more than she should have (she's an extremely generous person). The kids had a great time playing and I said goodbye to them. They are home with mom for 2 weeks on vacation so I won't get to see them as much! (This is where I wear a sad face).

Saturday we got the rental car, dropped off the food at the food bank, went to a really cool holiday train display and then went to see the movie The Tale of Desperaux. We got home, had dinner, made candy and treats, and played a fun new game we got from Cathy, Craig and the kids called "Pictureka". What a whirlwind week!

Thankfully today we just had church, made more candy and treats, and built our annual gingerbread house with Grandma and Grandpa. I will post pictures tomorrow, I am exhausted and it's late! Check back for pictures of our week!

Merry Christmas to all!

Cookies and A Birthday Party....

2008-12-12T17:48:00.003-05:00

One of our many Christmas season traditions is to make cookies and decorate them. We all had a good time (except for the occasional tussle between kiddos as they vied for space around the dough) and the creations turned out DELICIOUSLY!!!

Alec has the fortunate (or unfortunate depending who you ask) pleasure of having a December birthday. His actually BD is closer to Christmas than his party with his friends was scheduled for. To avoid everyone being gone near his birthday on vacations....we had the party early. Boy did we have fun! I have a whole new appreciation for mothers of octuplets. Having 8 kiddos here that were all 4 or barely 5 was quite an adventure. In addition to that we had our two oldest and our friends little almost 17 month old. It was SOOOO much fun but pure noise and chaos at times. Isn't that what a party is supposed to be??? You bet!

Somehow got the pictures loaded backwards and the system doesn't want to work with me at reversing them....so in backwards order here they are!

Cake candles blown out in a single breath!

I love the look on his face!
The party hats were at his request....strange I thought
for a 4 year old to request party hats, luckily I had some
in a box in the basement b/c his request came very close
the party's beginning.

Alec breaks the truck and candy goes flyin'!

This balloon game was hilarious. The kids started
at the same time (2 at a time) trying to bat the small round
balloon into the goal (the box) with their balloon bats.
It was harder than you think! Fun to do and hilarious to watch!

Grandpa and Grandma arrive next week to spend the holidays with us, we can't wait. It is all coming too fast for me. I am done shopping but I don't want the feeling of the holidays to end too soon! I wish people were so giving year round!

Happy holidays to all and to my little almost 5 year old, baby I love you and I will try to not cry on your BD. If I do it is b/c my baby is 5, I can't believe it!

Thanksgiving 10K Pictures!

2008-12-06T20:33:00.004-05:00

They are finally available! Here is proof that we did it!
The pictures of me are pretty hokey, but what do you expect
when it is cold and you're doing a 10k, it's not a fashion show!

Enjoy!

Rob jumps to touch the finish line sign!
Looks a little "Rocky" like doesn't it???
Ha ha ha!

Thanksgiving 10K, Thanksgiving Day, Gingerbread House Building, and Tree Decorating...

2008-11-30T14:54:00.010-05:00

It has been a busy week! Alec had a Charlie Brown Luncheon at school on Monday, my other kiddos (Owen and Julia only) spent the night Tuesday night (we had a blast...the night went too fast really, we didn't get to half the stuff I was hoping we'd do), we had a phone conference with our attorney about Jayden (still waiting....), Wednesday Elliot came over to play with all the kiddos for a bit while Cathy prepped for guests on Thursday and of course I soaked up some baby love since I wouldn't get to snuggle him for 4 days (again the time went by fast and before we knew it Owen, Julia, and Elliot had to go), I chopped my hair that night and prepped for the 10k Thanksgiving morning. Rob and I and the kiddos got up EARLY to head to our dear friends house who offered to watch the kids while Rob and I did the 10k. Rob and I arrived just after 8 for the race to start at 9. We lined up in the crowd of 15,000 to begin. It took 11 minutes for us to get from our spot in the crowd to the starting line once the race began. We all had an electronic tag on our shoe that began and stopped our time as we crossed the start and finish line. We were hoping to do it in less than 2 hours. We did much better than I thought. We finished in 1 hour 22 minutes and 49 seconds. SWEET!!! We walked just over 13 minutes per mile, thank goodness for long legs! 6.2 miles later we were feeling a great sense of accomplishment. We weren't very fatigued and actually were quite rejuvenated. Thanks Christy for the inspiration!

Thanksgiving dinner was spent with a roommate from BYU and her family. They had many of Brian's family in from CA, UT, D.C., etc. as well as one of Brian's roommates from BYU and his family. We had a great time! Sara has 5 kids and her two oldest boys are around Jakob's age. Their oldest daughter is near Cami's age as well as another little girl that was there. The kids enjoyed playing, we enjoyed socializing, and we all enjoyed the food!

We returned to Sara and Brian's the next day to build gingerbread houses, a tradition we love! We have not done our family one yet, we wanted to save it for when Grandma and Grandpa come to visit for Christmas. So this year we will have two gingerbread houses. Fun! We let the kids do the decorating. Each kid got to do 2 parts to the house and then Rob and I (with Jakob's help) put the pieces together and added some landscape. We had a great time and were excited to come home and find a place for our gingerbread house as well as to decorate the house.

The tree went up quickly with the kiddos help and once we gave them the green light to put on ornaments they went wild. Each year we have to remind them to SPREAD THEM OUT...please don't put 12 ornaments in one small part of the tree....ha ha ha! It was a blast and the kiddos loved getting to stay up late, have hot chocolate, dance to Christmas music, etc. We LOVE Christmas!

Here are some pictures...our 10k pictures of us finishing will come soon we hope and I will post those then. Until then...here are others for your viewing pleasure!

Let the decorating begin!!!

Camille was in charge of the front of the house and one of the roof sides.

Jakob did the back of the house and one of the sides.

Alec did a side piece and a roof piece.

Cheese.....

All of our pieces drying and awaiting placement.
The kiddos did a great job!
Top (left to right):
Cami roof, Alec side, Cami front.
Bottom (left to right):
Jakob side, Alec roof, and Jakob back.

The engineers constructing the house.

Hold it still and wait while it dries!

The finished product!

The view of the front....like my snowman and fire??? The logs are tootsie roll pieces and the flames are pulled from an orange smooshed gun drop. We were being really creative and crazy, it was a lot of fun! This picture does the landscape NO justice!

The side shot of Jakob's side and Alec's roof piece.

The other side that Alec did and the roof side Cami did.

The back!

The three families finished creations!
Each different, each unique!

Tree decorating!

How many boys does it take to set up a train.....?

Alec enjoying our Christmas Tree train,
he's been dying for one and he's
SOOO happy to finally have one!

We hope you all had a very Happy Thanksgiving and that the coming holidays bring you much joy and closeness with those whom you love!

Living Life One Day at a Time....

2008-11-17T15:47:00.002-05:00

There really hasn't been much happening around here. We have all been sick it seems for a period of time. I have had a cold, then the flu, and now it seems a new cold. For weeks I have felt pretty terrible 9 days out of 10. But we keep taking things one day at a time and know that this too shall pass.

We are preparing with great excitement for the holidays. The kids are so excited for Christmas and even more so because Grandma and Grandpa are coming to spend it with us. I have at least half of the shopping done, maybe a bit more. I hope to be done before the 6th of December.

I went to Nashville this past weekend with some friends to attend a Time Out For Women, it was awesome! We had a great time and I felt recharged and better prepared to handle the craziness of the coming holidays. Thankfully we are anticipating a relaxed Thanksgiving. I am walking in a 10k that morning, thanks to my cousin's inspiration, and then we are going to my college roommates home (they recently moved to our area) to have dinner with her and her family.

Jakob has a performance coming up at school that I will post about afterwards. Cami and Alec are having PJ parties this week in their classes. We are making plans for our annual trips to see lights and other holiday festivities. We are looking forward to many of our holiday traditions.

As for Jayden we continue to wait. It appears as though it may not be an easy journey still, but we await an outcome. We will keep you posted when we know more!

Take care!

Halloween Pictures (Parties and Trick or Treating)....

2008-11-07T17:09:00.005-05:00

I made it to two of the three kids parties this year. I never heard anything about Jakob's so I wondered if they were even going to have one. It turns out they did! Here are pictures from the younger one's parties.

Cami shows off her Spider cookie....yummy!

Cami shows off her spider craft....scary!

Alec chows on his ghost cupcake....you go boy!

Alec works to create a spooky spider!

Alec shows of "Spidey" the spider.

Here are my Star Wars crew. We have Padme and two Clone Troopers.

Off we go Trick or Treating....

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!

The Long Awaited Star Wars Video....

2008-11-06T16:46:00.007-05:00

Once in awhile when we actually have some free time
on our hands this is the kind of thing we choose to do...
odd but fun! The kids had a blast planning and acting it out.
Rob had fun filming (I did some too but he was the master mind).
I enjoyed doing some of the effects work
(you can't really see it but there is a part where
there are fans running when the ship is taking off...
I was the fan girl). All in all it was hilarious to do, to watch,
and to see the finished product is just that much funnier!

Enjoy!

As a family, we were going to do something fun a few Saturdays ago, but our plans didn't work out. I think we were going to go to the zoo for "hallzooween", but missed it. So, I believe it was when the kids were trying on their costumes that I thought about making a movie with them. We wrote the scenes down and even put up a blue sheet to be our "green screen" (I really need to get a real green screen, as you will see). We had a blast producing our own "no-budget" short film. I hope to make more that are better than this in the future with the kids! -Rob

The Outcome of Today...

2008-10-29T22:02:00.006-04:00

We met with Amanda and Corey (sorry for the misspell in prior posts Corey) and Amanda's dad (Floyd). It was great to see them again and to hear that the judge was in favor of Jayden being placed with Floyd and his wife and that all would be done to expedite that. We are still told it could take 2-4 months for that to happen (isn't that ridiculous?). We were able to discuss how we can best stay in contact with Amanda and Corey after Jayden is placed with us and how we can keep them involved in Jayden's life. Things went really well and we are all pleased with the outcome of the hearing today. Now we pray for lightening speed with all the paperwork and red tape.

Last night we carved pumpkins (we missed doing our annual party this year...too much going on) and attended a Trunk or Treat tonight. Here are some photos...

Cami (dressed as Padme from Star Wars),
Julia (dressed as Hannah Montana),
Owen, Alec, and Jakob (all dressed as Clone Troopers)
lined up and ready to Trunk or Treat!!!

Here is wishing all a happy week and a
Happy Halloween!

Pictures Coming and News Tomorrow....

2008-10-28T21:46:00.002-04:00

We had an itch to do something out of the ordinary on Saturday night and so we made a very amateur movie with the kids in their Halloween Costumes. Rob is working to fine tune it a bit more...it will come later here on the blog. I took some still shots as they were prepping and what not that I will post along with our pumpkin carving pictures. So check back for the pictures later in the week.

Also, on the Jayden side of life....tomorrow is the disposition to determine if Grandpa and Grandma can get custody of Jayden. We are praying the judge does what is right and allows Jayden's family to have him. I will post an update on that front tomorrow as well.

Hope you are all having a great week and having fun preparing for Halloween! I know the kiddos sure are excited to wear their costumes and to get LOTS of candy!

Until tomorrow...

A Christmas Wish....

2008-10-23T22:20:00.003-04:00

I know that it is only October and that we haven't even had Halloween yet but I have a Christmas wish to make. I wish that Jayden could be home for Christmas. We were told yesterday that papers are in the works for him to be placed with his grandparents who then plan to place him with us. This is really exciting but we anticipate further delays and difficulties given the fact that the state is involved and thus far they have made NOTHING EASY. So...we continue to pray and wait. We are told that Jayden should be coming home sometime in the next 2-4 months. I won't go into how I feel about that time frame, you can only imagine. I am appalled at the system that is supposed to be looking out for Jayden's best interest and yet delays his union with the family he will ultimately be with. Enough said about that.

I have pictures but don't feel it appropriate to post them yet. I will when the time is right. Let me say this, HE IS GORGEOUS!!!

So the prayers continue and I ask the Lord to expedite the process and to bring Jayden home for Christmas.

Small Glimmers of Hope.....

2008-10-16T22:24:00.000-04:00

Rob and I had dinner with Amanda and Cory last night. They have been assigned an attorney that appears to be defending their rights and sounds as though she will prove effective in bringing this to a happy ending. Amanda is working to have Jayden placed in her parents home as soon as possible (b/c the state looks more favorably upon direct family first). Once Jayden is away from the corrupt system he is presently subjected to Amanda and Cory can do what they think is best for their son, which they feel is to have him with our family.

Our dinner was very enjoyable and we were excited to see recent pictures of Jayden. He's adorable, I wanted to reach into the camera (Amanda showed us pictures that were on her camera) and smooch him! We feel such a connection to this sweet family. We are excited to hear that they are working hard to improve their situation and to get on their feet. We support them as they work to improve their lives and to do what is best for their son.

So...what does this all mean for us??? We don't know for sure but we still have a hope that things will work out the way we always hoped they would. We are not giving ourselves false hope nor are we walking blindly forward. We are simply continuing on this walk of faith and praying that if it be the Lord's will that Jayden be a part of our family...that he will be in time.

Thank you for the continued prayers, support, and encouragement. We appreciate it all more than you could ever know!

Small Update...

2008-10-14T10:24:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone! Many have inquired as to how we are doing. We are doing fairly well. We continue to remain in contact with Amanda and Cory and Amanda's family and we all hope for a happy ending for Jayden. We continue to pray for him and his family. Amanda is doing all she can to bring about that happy ending. She called today to give us information about her next hearing and to tell us of all the other things she is doing to fight the systems injustices.

I admit my reaction to this situation has been quite delayed. It hit me really hard just this past week and I have noticed a greater difficulty with maintaining by emotional sanity. We have so many things to consider with adoption. International is still a consideration but I have various concerns about it that still linger. We have been approached about surrogacy (by a woman offering to help herself) but have felt strongly that surrogacy was not a road we should pursue. This woman was very generous and thoughtful and I appreciate immensely her offer. I do however feel that it is not something we are to go forward with.

I think more than anything I just fear the loss of yet another child. It would seem that it should get easier with each one but yet it does not. I was talking to a friend that has some psychology background and she said a delayed reaction to the loss of Jayden was quite natural considering the circumstances and the past experiences we have had. Seems silly to be struggling with something that really hit hard weeks ago but it seems to be the case.

I still know the Lord is mindful of us and I know that He is with us every step of this journey...along with many great family and friends. Thank you everyone for your support, we couldn't do this (nor would we want to) without you!

Much love to all....

Words of Comfort...

2008-09-30T22:32:00.005-04:00

There is a CD from a popular LDS singer/songwriter that I have found great comfort from. I first purchased the CD just after our adoption plans fell through with baby Isabella, our first experience with loss in adoption. My faith, family, friends, and this CD got me through that time. I still listen to it often as it brings me comfort and peace in many of life's trials but there are a few particular songs that I feel speak to the experiences I have had with the loss of children we have waited so long for.

I share the words of this particular one with you now as it has brought me great comfort in recent days.

Never Alone by Hilary Weeks

Why did this happen
Do you know what's happened to me
And Heaven were You watching
Were You watching over me
'Cause the way that I've been feeling
Well I'm feeling so low
If You hear this prayer
And if I'm not alone

I need to know
I need to know You're there
I need something to hold onto
I need someone who will care
Carry me on
And carry me through somehow
Make sense of this pain
And show me the way

'Cause when the darkness comes
I'm a prisoner to my fears
Although I'm listening
The doubt is all I hear
But then I reach for your hand
And feel you reaching back
And the light returns

And I begin
I begin to understand
My soul can feel the mercy
And the love in Your plan
When I let go
And turn all the hurt and sorrow over to You
The burden is light
And trusting I find

Though the storms roll in
And the winds of change may blow
I know You let them come
So that I can learn and grow
And when I reach for Your hand
I feel You reaching back
And that's how I know
I am never alone

~~~~~~~~~

As I finished writing these words I felt impressed to share the words of another of her songs. This one too has brought me great comfort also.

~~~~~~~~~

He'll Carry You by Hilary Weeks

He knows your heart
He knows your pain
He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today
He sees the tears that you cry
He knows your soul is aching to know why

He hears your prayers
Each humble word
When you said you couldn’t face another day He understood
He knows the path when you walk blind
Though you've felt alone He’s never left your side

He knew there’d be moments when no earthly words could take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you’re going through
When you’ve taken your last step
And done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you

He’ll bring you peace
And leave you hope
And through the darkest night He’ll comfort you until you know
The sun will rise and each new day
You will have the strength to live again

And in the moments when no earthly words can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes can see what you’re going through
When you’ve taken your last step
And done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you

He hears you when you’re crying in the night
He hears you when your soul longs to fight
Till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures

And in the moments when no earthly words can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes can see what you’re going through
When you’ve taken your last step
And done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you

~~~~~~~~~

Whatever trials you may face, may these lyrics bring you the peace they have brought me. I pray that we all know of His love for us, that we are never alone and that should the road get too hard, He will carry us.

God bless!

Thank You....

2008-09-29T20:45:00.009-04:00

I want to thank everyone who has been so extremely supportive and encouraging throughout the past few weeks (and well before that). We have had many prayers spoken in Jayden's behalf and ours. Words cannot express how much we appreciate all that has been done, spoken, expressed, and given to us in the past few weeks. We truly could not have made it through this latest disappointment without all of you! Thank you! Your service to our family, your friendship, your love and support have been beyond any possible expectations. Our gratitude is deep and we pray the Lord pours out His blessings upon you for your service to our family.

Many have inquired as to how we are doing. We are holding up really well. We admit we are severely disappointed with the outcome but we have not lost hope nor faith. We have felt an OVERWHELMING peace and calmness with regards to all this, amazingly. I know that the Lord is providing us with everything we need to make it through this time as a family. This experience has molded us, shaped us, and drawn us closer to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We have been sustained, uplifted, and carried through the array of emotions and trials we have had to face.

"If we are going to do our duty, we are going to need the powers of heaven. And if we are going to be given access to the powers of heaven, we are going to have to learn to wait upon the Lord." (Henry B. Eyring) We will wait upon the Lord as long as we must and we know that our waiting will allow us the blessings that the powers of heaven provide. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) "If you pray, if you talk to God, if you plead for the help you need, and if you thank him not only for help but for the patience and gentleness that come from not receiving all you desire right away-or perhaps ever-I promise you that you will draw closer to him. And then you will become diligent and long-suffering." "There will come a day for you and me when, whatever difficulties and limitations we have here, we will have that promise fulfilled for us. We will be lifted up as on eagles' wings if we have waited upon the Lord." (Henry B. Eyring)

We wait with faith now and as long as is necessary!!! Each time we begin to weary from the roller coaster ride of this adoption journey a few things are brought to our remembrance.

First, a set of scriptures from a book I have read about drawing closer to God which states: "...the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." (Ecclesiastes 9:11) and "And see that all things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27)

The Apostle Peter said, "Beloved, think it is not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy." (1 Peter 4:12-13) I know the joy we feel will be great when we are finally united with the children we wait for.

I also find great comfort in the words of an apostle of Jesus Christ who said, "He will answer your prayers for help beyond your human understanding. A degree of patience, labor, and persistence commensurate with the value of what you seek. The works that really matter require the help of heaven. And the help of heaven requires working past the point of fatigue so far that only the meek and lowly will keep going long enough. The Lord doesn't put us through this test just to give us a grade; he does it because the process will change us." We are forever changed by the experiences we have thus far been through. Surely this refining will continually be for our good as we prepare for the completion of our family.

The Lord has answered every one of our prayers and I know He will continue to. He has answered our prayers and provided comfort, patience, understanding, and support that is beyond our human understanding. I pray that I can work past the fatigue of my heart, spirit, and body and to be meek and lowly enough to keep going. This process has changed us - I feel for the better. With your support and prayers anything is possible.

Our hearts are drawn out in love and appreciation to the Lord for His goodness and love. We have felt His help in carrying this burden of the heart and He has never failed to provide the comfort we have needed. I am astonished at the peace I feel and know that it is only from Him and through Him that this is possible. What joy we would have felt in bringing Jayden home. We cannot imagine the joy we will feel when the blessing of bringing a child home will truly come. Surely our joy will be full and exceedingly great. I imagine the heavens will rejoice with us as we are reunited with the children we wait for. It is with faith and hope that we wait upon the Lord for this great blessing, for we know in the Lord's time, we will find them!

Thank you for your accompaniment on this journey. The road has been hard but at every hill or mountain we have had to face there behind us has been each of you. There behind us you have prayed, voiced encouragement, pushed at times, and more times than not simply walked the treacherous road beside us when your lives have allowed. Your service is forever etched in my heart and there too is the depth of gratitude that no words can describe. Thank you!

Long Ago Promised Storm Pics and Video...

2008-09-28T22:00:00.008-04:00

Sorry, we have had just a bit going on here (that is an understatement) but wanted to get this out like we had promised. The video is so wobbly b/c I was being blown over most of the time.

My heart still breaks every time I see a tree down. The cleanup continues, I think it will for quite some time!

This was a house in our neighborhood.

Look at the base of this tree, yikes!

Thank goodness we didn't have damage like this!
This is just one side, you should see the other side!

This is the house in the video where you can see siding was flying off of it. I had to zoom in a lot to get this so it isn't that great quality wise.

Heart breaking isn't it?

I can't imagine what the people of the south experienced! God bless them!

The Outcome...

2008-09-26T15:21:00.003-04:00

We arrived very early this morning, met up with Amanda and Cory, our attorney, and our caseworker and waited for the hearing. Our attorney filed the petition to intervene just prior to the hearing. The judge asked for both attorneys and Jayden's guardian (while in FC) to join him. They talked for approx. 10 minutes and then the DCS attorney came out with the guardian and asked Amanda and Cory to join them in the court room. Our attorney came out and with heavy heart told us that the judge had denied the petition. The judge said that the family Jayden is currently placed with is also certified to adopt and wishes to adopt him. The state says that should an adoption happen it should be with "their" family.

So...forget what Amanda and Cory want, apparently they don't matter after all. The state says they want reunification but yet they have done nothing to reunify Jayden with his parents. They want what is best for him (as does his parents and us) and yet they keep him in foster care where he has limited visitation with his parents and grandparents and will likely once adopted never be allowed to see them. Someone please tell me what in the world is going on!!!

We are baffled and frustrated, devastated and beside ourselves with astonishment that things could come to this. Amanda has a court appointed attorney now and hopefully whoever that is can help Jayden, Amanda, and Cory. We will continue to pray for them all.

My heart breaks for Amanda, as a mother I know that although she can't take care of Jayden that she still loves him deeply and wants him to be safe and happy. She wants to see Jayden and to be a part of his life, she has every right to. I fear that the FC family will cease all contact once an adoption is finalized.

The system failed Jayden today. It failed Amanda and Cory too.

All I can say is....well I just don't know what to say.

We're Down to The Wire & We REALLY Need Prayers....

2008-09-25T16:44:00.002-04:00

We are less than 16 hours from the hearing and we are still praying for a miracle. We want so much to bring Jayden home and to welcome him into our family. We are all hopeful that tomorrow this will FINALLY happen. The love we feel for this boy is immeasurable. Jakob, Camille, and Alec are EXTREMELY anxious for his arrival too!

PLEASE keep up the prayers, we KNOW they have helped. We can't thank you enough for your continual support, love, prayers, thoughts, encouragement, etc. We love you all and thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.

Tomorrow our miracle for Jayden will happen...

An Update and Apology....

2008-09-24T10:43:00.006-04:00

The house is quiet, kiddos are at school and Elliot is sleeping. I thought I would hurry and write an update.

Yesterday the papers were signed and assuming all goes as planned Friday morning we will be successful in bringing Jayden into our family. I will post as soon as I can the outcome. I will also post pictures of our newest addition. We can't wait!

I wanted to say, for anyone that may be feeling as though we failed to inform you of this in another fashion, we apologize if your feelings are/were hurt. We have been in a whirlwind of phone calls-honestly we have spent hours and hours on the phone, back and forth between offices and caseworkers, Jayden's family, etc. We also, after all we have already been through, kept this quiet to avoid having to do damage control after the fact should things not work out. We grow weary quickly of having to explain how we get blindsided by things not working out time and again. We do hope that you can understand.

My post the other day "What Next???" was a pure venting post, the very few who knew of this situation were stunned that I posted it at all. But I was so shocked and just reeling with emotions that I couldn't hold it in anymore.

So...if you were not informed in a way you felt you were entitled, our sincere apologies. We have been very thrown by all the events thus far and although our hearts have wanted to share with the world our excitement, we had to hold everything close until we knew more.

The Miracle We Have Prayed For...

2008-09-22T17:25:00.008-04:00

We just got word from our attorney that if we can get Amanda's signature on a relinquishment paper before the hearing Friday that our attorney can interfere with the hearing on Friday and present the judge with the paper stating she has transferred her rights to us and the judge should then dismiss all proceedings for the Dept. of Child Services, allow us to remove Jayden from foster care and take him into our custody and move forward with the adoption proceedings.

YIPPEE!!!

We'll keep everyone posted.
PLEASE keep praying...
you have gotten us this far,
please don't give up praying for Jayden!

It's not over until Jayden is in our arms and out of foster care!

Thank you for all you have done,
it means the world to all of us!

Outcome of The First Hearing in Jayden's Behalf...

2008-09-19T22:30:00.007-04:00

We got word today at 1:30 that there was going to be a hearing for Jayden at 3:45. The race was on to get there. We arrived just after 3:45, we weren't going to be allowed in the courtroom but wanted to be available in case the judge had questions for us or ruled that we could proceed with the adoption plans. It was determined that Jayden needed to be temporarily in the custody of the state, mention of our desire to adopt Jayden was minimal but apparently there was some doubt on the part of the state that said adoption plans were even in existence. Had we been allowed in the court room we could have shown by our presence and by the papers our worker had possession of that the adoption was very much planned.

Another hearing was scheduled for next Friday morning when it would be determined if the accusations against Amanda were to be contested. If she admits to them Jayden will become a permanent ward of the state and remain with his foster family until further ruling. If she denies the accusations they will schedule another hearing approximately 30 days later where Amanda will be allowed to present proof that their accusations are inaccurate as will the state have time to present evidence to support their accusations. After that hearing Jayden's fate will be decided.

We sat down with the state Dept. of Child Services attorney, the caseworker who removed Jayden, Jayden's court appointed guardian (while he is in state custody), along with Amanda, Cory, and our caseworker to discuss the next steps. We were VERY CLEARLY told that the state was NOT there to help US, they were looking out for Jayden's best interest (um...and we aren't???) and that their main objective is to reunite mother and child. Normally I would be completely supportive of reunification, as would everyone else there, BUT....Amanda isn't in a position to take care of Jayden. She loves Jayden and she wants what is best for him but she is young and unable to give him much of what he needs at this time. So...if Amanda can't take care of Jayden on a permanent basis...WHY not allow the adoption to go forward???????

We have been told we have a couple of options. We are looking at both of them very closely and hope to pursue them concurrently. We will know more Monday after consulting with our attorney. Hopefully we will have paperwork submitted and word as to our own hearing before a judge before weeks end next week. There is still hope and as long as there is hope....we will fight this fight with all we have for Jayden. Amanda and her family beg us not to give up and we won't. We have the full support of Amanda's parents, whom we have just grown to love so much, and don't plan to let them down. Amanda and her family have become family to us. If we are allowed to adopt Jayden they will forever be our family too.

Thank you to any and all that have offered up prayers in Jayden's behalf. They are helping. We trust that the Lord's hand is in all of this. We know there will be a miracle for Jayden and in turn for all of us!

More to come...

What Next???

2008-09-18T20:59:00.009-04:00

I was planning on posting storm photos and video but instead tonight I post about some recent stunning events. This will come as a surprise to many because we have kept it quiet for a week now, but we were going to be heading to Indiana tomorrow to pick up a little angel named Jayden who we hoped come Monday would be a permanent family member. Jayden is a 4 1/2 month old whom we learned about before he was born. His mother had decided to try her hand at parenting and so we had not heard anything since April. Last Thursday I got a call from a dear friend telling me that this sweet woman was no longer able to care for Jayden and wondered if we were interested still in adopting him. We did not hesitate. Arrangements began, we talked about details, Amanda has no phone so there was extra coordinating involved. To make a long story short I contacted her father, at his request, and he got my information to then pass on to Amanda when he saw her on Monday. He called me later Monday night after visiting with Amanda. Further plans were made, Amanda was going to make it to a phone to call me Tuesday. I won't go into details but that didn't happen. A caseworker with Child Protective Services went to the apartment Wed. to check on Jayden (from what I understand she was assigned as part of their welfare program) and to see about adoption plans and the timeline. We then made arrangements to meet Friday (tomorrow) to sign papers and for Jayden to be placed with us until final papers were signed this next Monday.

This afternoon after I had prepped the nursery for Jayden's arrival, had put the finishing touches on the diaper bag packing, had prepped the tub for a bedtime bath tomorrow and made plans for the kids in case we weren't back in time to get them after school...OUR caseworker calls to tell us that Child Protective Services took Jayden and were going to place him in foster care. WHAT??? What happened to us meeting tomorrow? Why didn't she call me, I would have come today to get him? Why did we not get any notice that this was going to happen? Why didn't this meeting happen today instead? Why is this happening?

Apparently there is little to NO chance that we will end up with Jayden now. We are told our chances are very slim. So what do I do? I CANNOT simply walk away from this little boy. Amanda is beside herself, she's hysterical about this and wondering why. Amanda's parents beg us not to give up, they want so desperately for us to adopt Jayden. All we can do now is pray....pray for a miracle. Pray that the judge that conducts Amanda's hearing will take note of all she has done to prepare for this adoption and allow it to move forward. I don't have time for any more questions, especially "why?". All I can do now is pray for a miracle and I do believe that miracles still happen. I need one and so I pray for one.

Will you pray for a miracle
for Jayden too?

We Survived The Storm....

2008-09-16T21:28:00.002-04:00

I am SOOOOO grateful that I don't live in Texas, Florida, or Louisiana. My heart breaks for those folks who have to attempt survival from hurricanes. We got the tail end of their storm and it did a ton of damage here, I CAN'T fathom what it must have been like for them! Our prayers go out the them all! God bless them!

I am happy to report that we survived the storm and we now have power back (as of 11 pm last night-after about 33 hours without it) and we got our phone back around 7 pm today. Let's say this right off the bat....I was not born back in the olden days for a very good reason....I can't live happily without electricity. Sure it was an adventure and we had fun but I now fully realize what a luxury electricity is. The worst part of the storm was that Rob wasn't home for any of it. No...he was in a plane flying home. Not where I wanted him!

It was around 2:oo pm on Sunday, I was laying down with Alec because he was needing some quiet time and all of a sudden the wind became more fierce. Then within about 15 minutes it sounded like someone was throwing plastic plates at our house. I looked out the window to see siding flying off our neighbors house in large chunks. He was standing in the yard trying to dodge them and then collect them and store them in the garage. I began to think "if this is happening to their house, what must be happening to ours"? I told the kids to stay inside and I ran out to assess damage and to see if I could help.

To make a long story short myself and a number of neighbors ran about for the next 45 minutes to an hour dodging flying pieces of siding and collecting them. Our neighbor on one side lost most of his siding on BOTH sides of his house. The neighbor next to them lost some as well as the neighbor across the street. Some lost flashing pieces, gutters, etc. Two playhouses went down in our immediate area, one the roof flew off of and then it pretty much snapped in half. Many nearby lost shingles and tar paper, roofs down to plywood. And Craig said a home in their neighborhood had their garage door cave in from the force of the wind. It was insane!

Our damage...a broken pot and a piece of roof flashing that was loose and has since been fixed. We were EXTREMELY blessed! We are grateful it didn't turn into a tornado and that it didn't rain as our sump pump has no battery back up and we had no electricity. We were very blessed and for that we are very grateful!

I took some pictures and some video, I will get those up here in the next day or so if I can. We just got internet again this evening so I haven't had any time to do anything. Will get to it soon though!

Rob made it to Detroit safely and from there was thankfully flying into an airport that wasn't shut down. I was nervous about him flying but trusted that he would be wise in deciding whether to board the plane or not. He made it safely here late Sunday night, even though the highways had been closed earlier in the day and many roads were closed due to downed power lines and trees. I was SO relieved and so happy to see him! The kids didn't have school Monday b/c of all the damage and loss of power, and Rob was at first unsure about power at work. He decided to stay home and assess the house further and fix the roof flashing. We were happy to have him home for a full day after he had been gone. We missed him terribly! Makes we really thankful that he doesn't have a job that takes him away from home!

Look for pictures and video soon....the video shows siding flying off a house in our neighborhood....it was frightening!

The Buddy Walk...

2008-09-13T17:50:00.004-04:00

Today we had the great privilege of walking in the 7th annual Buddy Walk to support parents groups advocacy efforts and create awareness of Down Syndrome. We had a great time and the turn out was phenomenal. I do not know the exact number of walkers but there had to be at least a thousand walkers. What an awesome sight to see all these supporters of those with DS and their families. We were so happy to lend our support and to walk in behalf of this great cause. We look forward to next year's walk!

Here are a few pictures from today...

Cami and Alec...

Jakob...

Alec, Justin, Grant, Jakob holding Carlee, Cami, and Connor!

Cami and Delaney holding the team sign!

Me and my kiddos!
We wish Daddy could have joined us,
he was unable to this year! We missed him!

And we're off...this is only the front of the pack of people....you should have seen the masses behind us! The only picture I have of Christy is this one with her pushing Carlee in the stroller.

Cami and Delaney walking hand in hand...

The kids ran for the finish line (that picture didn't turn out well) and they were so excited to be done. They did such a great job!

Until next years walk...

Another School Year Begins....

2008-09-04T23:03:00.007-04:00

The kids are back to school and the race is on again! What race? The race to get everything done and to keep track of all the kids papers, assignments, etc. Honestly though, I am taking a whole new approach this year. We have been really busy in the past and after having a very relaxed and easy going summer, I am not going back to the race with the same perspective. We are going to have a great, successful, peaceful, and non chaotic year (and beyond) b/c I don't like chaos and neither does my family. So....we are adopting a new organizational system, we are enlisting the kids to be more responsible for their assignments and teaching them how to prioritize. We hope and pray for success in this venture! The kids seem to be on board and so we are getting off to a good start! I will let you all in the blogging world know if we have any success.

I was reading my cousin's blog and she was talking about balance in life. This is an age old problem for humankind I believe. Especially as mothers I think we struggle not only with our own balance but with the balance of each child and then entire family as a whole also. We have a lot to be responsible for! So...in an effort to promote and maintain some balance we are keeping with our current system of points for the kids and then adding our new balancing tactic of prioritizing better. Wish us luck...we will need it!

Now on to the first day of school for the kiddos....

The kids were excited for their first day. Cami loves her teacher, Jakob seems to like his but I think the jury is out still until homework begins to flood in. We'll see! I am thrilled that Cami and Jakob are riding the same bus this year! YIPPEE!!!! It is nice to only have to catch one bus in the morning and the afternoon! I love that they are together and Jakob has been great about showing Cami around the school. They had a great first day and seem to be getting back into the swing of things easily! Here are some photos....

Alec started the next day at his preschool. He was in tears the morning the kids left b/c he wanted to go to school too! Bless his heart! He was excited to say the least!

Finding his cubby!

Getting his name to hang up!

Already playing with the toys! This is fun!

Workbook time....

A first day of school wouldn't be complete without an ice cream celebration! Julia and Alec loved their shaved ice on this HOT day!

Get ready for Alec's scary tongue.....
too much coloring in that shaved ice I think!

And of course, adorable Eliott was a doll all day
and never made a fuss about all the
chaos of the first few days of school!
What a sweet little guy!

Our Last Week of Summer...

2008-08-31T20:41:00.003-04:00

Thursday the kids had their last swim lesson of this particular session. They all have progressed to the next level and will begin lessons again in a couple of weeks. They have already made such great progress and they love the water. Alec often cries when his lesson is over b/c he has to get out of the pool, no kids allowed in the pool during lessons for others is a pool rule where we go, it's a bummer.

After swim lessons we ran home for some lunch and then headed back to the pool. Elliot had a nice nap poolside while the kiddos played. We would have stayed much longer but we had an open house to attend. We had a fun time at the open house, although I tripped going UP a set of stairs in the building and fell. The deathly scary thing about it was that I was carrying Elliot at the time. Instinctively I rolled as I began to fall. I fell really hard on my arm and elbow but I was able to avoid any injury to Elliot...THANKFULLY!!! I know the Lord was watching out for us both and I wouldn't be surprised if some sweet angel swooped in and saved us both from serious injury. It happened so quickly. Rob snatched Elliot from my arms shortly after we fell to calm him (he was startled by the fall and just a bit frightened) while I tended to my arm. The Dr. says I will have a wicked bruise in a couple weeks time but nothing was broken. I am just so relieved that Elliot was o.k. and not even a scratch was on him. Thank you Heavenly Father for watching out for us!!!

After the open house we headed home to welcome 3 of Cami's little friends for an end of the summer sleep over. We were hoping they would be keen on the idea of an early bed time, you know with school starting soon and all. NO WAY....Kaylee was chatting until after 11:30. This girl usually goes to bed at 7:00 every night at home. It was funny to listen to them chat and giggle, sing and laugh. We went to bed late that night looking forward to our last day before the weekend.

Friday morning I woke up with a MASSIVE migraine. I could hardly move without being in excruciating pain. Thankfully Rob was able to take the morning off and tend to the kids for me until I could be functional again. I slept a bit longer, ate some breakfast, downed some Gatorade (my Dr. said 20-32 oz. of Gatorade and 2 Advil can usually wipe out a headache or ward one off), and took an Advil (I can only take one my stomach can be really sensitive). About 10:45 I was feeling more functional and was able to move about again. I never felt spectacular the rest of that day but I was able to get up and take care of the kids and play with them. We held off on our trip to the pool b/c of my head and the heat but instead had lunch and "Movie Day". The kids and I watched a movie and had treats as if we were at the movie theatre, one of our favorite things to do, especially on a hot or freezing day.

There was ice cream eaten, popsicles consumed, water fights had, boo boos bandaged, plenty of laughs, lots of giggles, fun in the sun, and many other happy and fun memories made. All this and I forgot the camera most of the time....OOPS!!!

I dread the day they go back to school and summer ends! Does it have to end??? I will miss having my kiddos home all day, we have had a great summer and I dread going back to the daily mayhem of school schedules. But I know that education is so valuable and essential to their future happiness. This makes me want to home school them! On second thought....I think I will leave that to the professionals!

Tomorrow holds last minute preparations for the beginning of school and some work and fun too! Happy Labor Day to all!

Mid Week Update...

2008-08-27T22:04:00.003-04:00

We are mid week and surprised that is the case. Where did the time since Sunday go? We started the week hanging out at home and enjoying a "do whatever we want" day. Julia and Elliot arrived and the attention quickly shifted to Elliot. He's adorable and the kids adore him. I hear that Julia and Owen love on him at home quite a bit but the poor kid really had it coming when we added 3 more kids and me to the adoration process.

Cami and Julia have enjoyed their "girl" time when I have been caring for Elliot and we have had fun playing school, playing games, doing puzzles, etc. Jakob misses Owen (as does Owen miss Jakob) but Jakob has been hanging out and playing with us and other friends. Alec is enjoying it all but I have noticed he can be a bit clingy at times, he's been the only "baby" in the house and now that he has to compete for my attention during the day with Elliot he is at times surprisingly clingy. I do my best to reassure him, to spend time with him, and to involve him in the things I do with Elliot. He's an excellent helper and enjoys getting diapers and wipes and whatever else he can. It is so cute to watch him with Elliot, he wants a baby sister or brother so badly. He still asks in EVERY prayer he says.

Tuesday we had swimming lessons and planned for a trip to the pool but the weather was not as favorable as we would have liked so we switched our plans. Instead of the pool after lunch we went to an indoor playground that has a bunch of inflatable play things. The kids were all excited and we got there and after 30 minutes they were ready to leave. WHAT??? I couldn't believe it. Please tell me I did not just spend over $2o to come somewhere they would only want to play at for 30 minutes. I gave them some encouragement to explore some more and they were off again. We stayed about an hour and a half total. I had originally expected they would be disappointed when we would have to leave but when I told them we would go they were quick to find the door. Let's just say we won't be going there again.

Today we once again planned for the pool. The temperature was supposed to be better and we were all looking forward to it. Then we woke up to see it had rained. What??? I had no idea we were to expect rain. So...we looked at the weather report and it appeared as though it would warm up and clear out. It did get a bit warmer but not enough and it was breezy too. So we decided we'd go to the indoor pool instead. We ate lunch, loaded the van, and headed out. Before we left Elliot was beginning to fuss and was obviously ready for his afternoon nap. I figured he'd fall asleep in the car and so I didn't put my swim suit on. If he was going to be awake I would take him in the pool but if he was going to be asleep I didn't feel comfortable leaving him in the carrier poolside while we swam. I would instead sit by the side of the kiddie pool with the younger 2 (and possibly Cami) while Jakob and his friend went in the other pool. Well, we began driving and it started to rain again. By the time we got to the pool it was raining pretty good. We get in after getting pretty wet, sign in, head to the pool and find...the kiddie pool is closed. YOU ARE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? I can't take 2 of the 5 kids in the bigger pool b/c I don't have a suit and I don't think them playing on the stairs is going to be any fun beyond 5 minutes. So...we decide to head to the desk and let them know we will be leaving after all b/c they failed to mention the kiddie pool was closed. Frustrating...to say the least.

The long and short of the past three days is this....the time is flying by and although we are having a great time it will pass all too quickly. We have 2 more days this week and then the 3 day weekend to have our fill of fun before the school bells ring again. There is still more ice cream to consume, swimming to do, sliding to do, new classrooms to check out, a final swim lesson (in this session), and a few million other small details and activities to do between now and then.

Pictures will come later in the week. I forgot my camera at the indoor place yesterday so I have no photos of that...sorry! But I will post some others when I can find the time after the week is done!

Love to all....

The Beginning of Our Last Week....

2008-08-24T20:53:00.002-04:00

This is our last official week before school starts. The days are flying by and I am dreading the absence of these kiddos during the day. I know that school is good for them and a complete necessity BUT...they are gone so much during school that I feel our time together is so limited. But that just means I need to even more so make the best of the time I do have with them. So enough of my complaining. Now on to the week of things we didn't do enough already and the things we have wanted to do but didn't before now. The week already has scheduled extra trips for ice cream, trips to the pool, and a few movie picnics. We also have planned a trip to a water park (the real deal, not a water playground this time), a visit to a indoor playground (hopefully that day will be really hot), and if all goes well a trip to the zoo. When I asked the kids what they wanted to do their list was pretty short. We have had a great summer, it has been so relaxed and just a joyful time with the kiddos.

We were talking tonight about how school will start in just over a week, then about 4 weeks later is Jakob's BD, then about 4 weeks later is Halloween, then about 4 weeks later is Thanksgiving, and then about 5 weeks later is Alec's BD and Christmas....YIKES!!!! All that time is going to FFFFLLLLLLLYYYYYY by. So...I should start BD shopping, costume sewing, menu planning, and Christmas shopping NOW, right???

While we were talking about all this Jakob threw in that he hoped that in all this we would welcome a baby or two to the family. We all quickly agreed!!! We continue to pray for this!

An extra highlight to this week....I start watching Julia and Elliot full time. Unfortunately Cathy and Owen are back to school tomorrow but fortunately for us we get to have Julia and Elliot come stay and play while they are away. These kids are the best. I adore them! This will be my 3rd year caring for Cathy and Craig's kids and I hope to do so until Elliot is in Kindergarten (he'll go full time then at his mom's school). These kids are so sweet and have become great friends with my kiddos. Our family truly loves and cares for theirs.

Just a side note. Last night Alec was getting ready to say his prayer and said that he wanted to make sure and pray that he could find his red car after he asked Heavenly Father for a baby to come soon. He said his prayer and with a smile of faith trusted the Lord. The faith of children is amazing. Also tonight as we attempted to watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics the satellite was not working b/c of the massive rain and wind we were experiencing (likely a lingering storm Faye). The kids were really upset. We were attempting to make it work when Cami said we needed to try it again b/c she had said a prayer. Then Alec said he wanted to say one too. He said a prayer and the satellite worked. Alec and Cami were jumping around yelling, "It worked, it worked, He answered our prayers!" Indeed He did!

We know our prayers to be a complete family will also be answered!

Summer Swimming...

2008-08-21T17:02:00.005-04:00

Finally...I remembered to take the camera to the pool we have
been frequenting! I didn't get many pictures though b/c I wanted
to swim with the kids and they kept asking me when I was
getting in. So....here are just a few!

Alec shows off Bubba the Fish,
a diving game we play in the pool.

Cami dives down to feed Bubba!

Jakob and Cami dive down to feed Bubba!

Cami coming off the slide. It looks terrible,
like she whacked her head or something, but she was fine!

As soon as Alec figured out he could handle the
slide this summer we can hardly get him off of it!

Hope you all are enjoying your summer as much as we are!
The kids go back to school soon...too soon for me!
Thankfully I will have Alec home still (with the exception of
preschool) and I start next week watching Julia and Elliot b/c
Cathy and Owen are starting back to school. Bad for them...
good for me. I have been eating up the baby time with Elliot,
he's a doll. And Julia is such a little sweetheart and such fun
to have around. We wish Owen could hang out with us more too!

Swimming...

2008-08-13T11:37:00.004-04:00

With all the Olympic swimming we have watched, all the summer swimming we have done, and now the kids starting up swim lessons again...we have become a family of fish!

With great joy I watched Michael Phelps go for gold alone and along with fellow team members last night and was again awe struck at how easy he makes it appear. He's amazing! Keep it up Michael!!! And GO TEAM USA!!!!

I forget every time we head to the pool, which is pretty much daily, to take the camera...oops! But I did remember to take it to their first swim lessons. Jakob and Cami had lessons before we moved but we have just not made it a priority since. That changed when we began swimming much more frequently (which I LOVE). Every one should know how to swim!!!

So here are some snapshots of their first lessons!

Alec jumps in...one of his favorite things to do!

Alec is plays "Red Light, Green Light" with his class.
He was SO excited to be the light!

Cami is the biggest fish of them all!
She couldn't wait to get to lessons.
She was in her swim suit shortly after she woke up.

Jakob enjoyed the class too but I think
he is anxious to move up the ranks quickly!

Practicing breathing....

Cami tries floating...

We hope that all of you are enjoying summer, the Olympics, and the joy of family. We feel very blessed and very grateful for this time of year. I dread the kids going back to school, sure I won't miss the bickering between kids now and then, but I will miss them being with me as much!

Happy swimming to all you other swimmers out there!

"The Thorpedo" Eats His Words Too....

2008-08-11T22:48:00.004-04:00

GO MICHAEL!!!
He has his game on hard core!!!

He did it, he broke the record and he took the gold. Ian Thorpe said he couldn't do it and that just fueled the fire in Michael Phelps! I laughed when I saw that "The Thorpedo" was there to witness the whole thing. I hope those challenging words went down hard for Ian.

Many things make me proud to be an American, seeing someone achieve greatness at something they are passionate about is one of those many things.

In just a matter of less than an hour the USA took Gold & Bronze twice and Gold and Silver once. I didn't think that Peirsol would pull it off but he did with Grevers and it was sweet, 1-2 for the USA.

GO TEAM USA!!!

The US Men's Swimming Relay....

2008-08-10T23:34:00.004-04:00

Many may not know this about me but I am a bit of a swimming
fanatic. I swam on a team when I was young and wish often
that I had never given it up. Of all the Olympic events swimming
is my all time favorite. So just now, just moments ago I watched as
Michael Phelps, Cullen Jones, Jason Lezak, and
Garrett Weber-Gale took the gold and not just that....
they broke the world record to boot.

GO TEAM USA!!!!

I'm watching you Michael, make "The Thorpedo" eat his words
just as you and the guys made those Frenchmen eat theirs!
Who's talkin' now!!!!

The Museum...

2008-08-08T16:58:00.010-04:00

We headed to the museum Thursday with my friend Summer and her 3 boys (2 yr. old Ethan and almost 5 month old Nate and Levi). We had a great time. We took the kiddos to various places of interest and enjoyed a great afternoon at the museum. Here are some pictures from our trip!

Here----> is Levi....
what a handsome fellow!

<----Here is Nate.... also a handsome fellow!

Alec and Ethan shove balls up the pipe to be sucked up
and deposited in the big crane bucket that dumps
every so often on the awaiting kids. Loads of fun!

Summer....what a wonder woman mom!
I soon took Nate (the one she is carrying without a pack).
She has mastered the art of mothering twins!

Cami does some shopping in the pretend grocery store!
This girl loves ALL kinds of shopping!

Ethan sweetly cares for a baby doll.
What a good big brother he is to Nate and Levi.

Jakob loved playing with Nate.
He adores babies and is so anxious
to have one of our own....or two!

Alec the construction worker...something he aspires
to be someday. He also aspires to be a fireman
and a demolition man that works the huge wrecking ball.

All three of my kiddos work together with others
to make a series of pipes do various things.
Teamwork...I love it!

This last picture is of Jakob and Cami
playing with Nate again. He kept trying
to put his fist in Cami's mouth and Cami
would pretend to munch on it.
They were having a blast with the babies.

We had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending the time with some great friends. Summer makes mothering twins look so easy. I can only hope that if we are blessed with twins I can care for them the same. I have great friends that are also great mothers, too many to list here. But to all of you "thank you" for your examples and your love for your children. It is great to associate with such fine woman!

Dave Matthews Anyone?

2008-08-06T22:24:00.006-04:00

So last night I was having dinner with my family when my cell phone rang. I always answer it b/c I never know when it may be our caseworker or someone contacting us about adoption. It was my good friend Christy. She had told me the day before that she was going to watch another friend's youngest son while Jenny and Dave went to a Dave Matthews concert. Apparently Charlie (our friend's son) was not feeling well and Jenny and Dave had given Christy the tickets to the concert b/c they didn't want them to go to waste. Sam (Christy's hubbie) suggested she call me to see if I wanted to go. What a shocker that phone call was. Who would have thought my ordinary Tuesday would take such a sudden turn. Oh...and the tickets were for the 2nd row behind the 4 rows of the pit. Yep, we were in the 6th row from the stage....SWEET!!!

Rob took me to a Dave Matthews concert when we first started dating in SLC. That was back when he was a lot less dark in his lyrics. I was surprised last night at some of what he sang. I admit I haven't bought a CD of his in a long time, good move I think. I love the tunes but some of the lyrics were too dark and angry for me.

It was a comedy of small errors getting and leaving but all in all it was a lot of fun. We missed our exit (my bad) on the way, got the call that Charlie was fine after all (we felt terrible and offered to meet them and hand off the tickets but they declined), then when we got there we walked all the way down the grass hill through smokers and a ton of teenagers to find out we had to go all the way to one side and then down to our seat, we forgot where we parked and spent a good 15 minutes looking for the car when it was over, missed a turn and had to search for the freeway home, and then found ourselves at a road closed on the way home and had to turn around and go another way (why there wasn't notice of this further up the road we don't know).

I do not miss being single or being a teenager. We entered a part of life that we haven't seen for many years. Christy and I felt so OLD. I definitely don't miss public smoking at concerts, YUCK! In CA this doesn't happen anymore. So many places are smoke free now, thankfully!

Here are some pictures. I should mention it was HOT and HUMID last night, it had rained most of the morning. But it didn't dampen the festivities, we rocked out to the tunes (and thankfully couldn't hear fully most of the lyrics).

I was zooming to get a shot of the drummers set for Rob
(a fellow drummer). I only wish that he had thrown his sticks
our direction at the end of the concert.
Rob would have loved that!

Thanks Jenny and Dave. We are SO glad that Charlie was o.k.!!!
We feel terrible that you missed out!!!

Forgotten Treasures From Vacation...

2008-08-01T22:55:00.002-04:00

How could I possibly forget these laughable treasures??? Maybe b/c I am still recovering from lack of sleep. Anyhow, I failed to mention that Alec too had a roadside #2 (I know, gross!!!!). This is why my sister-in-law carries a portable potty with her everywhere she goes (besides her fear of public restrooms). I sure wish I had one on the way there! Alec had to squat and do his deed on the side of the road up a driveway (there was NO where to pull over, no shoulder, no town, nothing!). I was terrified that the Sheriff would show up and arrest us or something. I felt terrible but we had NO CHOICE!!! Sorry to whoever lived there for leaving that little treasure, we hope it serves as fertilizer for the weeds.

Also, the last night we were there we were talking about which direction we were going to go home the next day. Rob was sitting on the floor (2nd floor) near the bottom of the stairs up to the 3rd floor. Sam was sitting on a nearby couch and I was across the room a bit on anther couch. Christy had just gone downstairs when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and saw.... A MOUSE!!!! I jumped on the couch and shrieked in a "quiet because the kids are sleeping" fashion. I alerted the menfolk and they began the chase to catch him. I wish I could give a complete play by play, it was comical!!! Anyhow, I go to shut the door to the stairs that lead to the 1st floor and what do you know the mouse runs behind the couch Sam was sitting on and darts down the stairs. I open the door as the boys scramble for something to trap it and then catch it in. I, in a hushed yell, holler at Christy that there is a mouse. I was afraid she would come around the corner to see what the ruckus was about and freak out. The men gather an atlas (Rob-which he had in hand when the mouse arrived) and a shoe (Sam-don't ask me why). As they shuffle on the upper stairs to trap him they holler at me to get something to catch him in. I can see nothing but an empty garbage can. I grab it and head back up the stairs. The next few moments are a comedy of errors and manly blunders BUT they safely captured the mouse and got him in the can. He was safely released in the wild. Christy came up and asked about what happened and we laughed like mad. What a hoopla!

Later while talking about it again and telling Christy a complete version of events we were laughing so hard we were crying! It was hilarious! We called our little mouse friend "Stewart"...he wasn't white but he was cute! Did I just call a mouse cute??? I am really tired!

Water Playland #2...

2008-08-01T22:37:00.002-04:00

Today we ventured out in the heat of the 1st day of August to a different Water Playland . This one was also far from home but it was fun and the kids welcomed being cooled off from the heat. I think Cathy, Elliot, and myself had moments we felt we were melting but the shade and a nice breeze, plus the occasional mist from all the water, kept us going long enough to enjoy a couple hours of wet fun.

Here is the park...

Alec enjoys the slide.
The last place had one but it was closed,
a bummer for the kids!

Our shaded hang out. I had a hard time getting pictures
this time, the kids kept coming over to get snacks and I
kept missing them in action. This is one of the only
pictures that I have Julia in.

Cathy and Elliot!

My photogenic little lady...

Alec with his signature tongue hanging out.
He loved to stick his finger in the hole
where the water came out!

Owen and Jakob try to squirt other kids.

Jakob takes aim!

No this is NOT a dead Alec, this is a sleeping Alec.
He put out his towel covered himself up and went
to sleep in the 90+ degree weather. He had little
beads of sweat on his upper lip. I uncovered him
after this picture, poor thing was TOO hot!

We had a great time, even despite the heat and crowd. Appears everyone else and their mother thought going there was a good idea too! We were all relieved to get in the air conditioned car and drive home to an air conditioned house. Thanks again Cathy, Owen, Julia, and Elliot for a fun day! Next year let's go in late June or early July before it gets quite so hot!

More summer fun to come....

The Hair Update.....

2008-08-01T22:22:00.005-04:00

I CAN'T believe that I am posting this HORRIFIC picture of me with curly hair. BUT....I do this because usually people don't believe me when I tell them my hair is naturally curly. Yes, this picture is my natural curl, no diffusing, no curling iron, nothing. My hair stylist could not believe that my hair looked strange at the length it is curly. I love to wear it curly when it is long, but it hasn't been long since Alec was born. Since then I have worn it short. I love to wear it straight but in the heat and humidity it gets frizzy and curly and I severely dislike it. So....I asked my stylist if there was anything I could do. She recommended having it relaxed. Why had no one mentioned this before??? I didn't even know this was an option. So....I specifically wore it curly the day of my appointment (sure not to plan anywhere to go that day until my appointment). I am happy to report that my stylist was taken aback by how curly it really was. I told her!!! I took this picture, horrid isn't it???

Here is the before....GHASTLY!!!

And the after...

Now this is how I wear my hair all the time, when it isn't up. But...now I don't have to work so hard to get it straight and keep it that way. I am anxious for a look at it when it simply air dries. We'll see what kind of bend it has to it. Maybe I will post that too!

I look so different. So....I am wondering....which do you like better? Cast your vote in the comments section! I would have to work now to get it that curly and actually have to use a curling iron to do so...no thanks!!!!

Hope you aren't just recovering from unconsciousness from the first picture! Sorry!

West Virginia & Our MUCH Needed Vacation...

2008-07-30T12:22:00.032-04:00

***Warning...this is very long and was finished very late at night
by a very tired woman. Should information appear strange or
to not make sense please be advised her condition is to blame. ***

We set off Friday morning, after a slight delay on our part, for our vacation to Snowshoe, West Virgina. The kids were loaded, luggage loaded, coolers loaded, portable DVD player cued, snacks handy...we were set. After a prayer...we were off!

Our first potty stop found us in a small town with no where we saw to use a restroom. So we pulled off into town and found a local sheriff to ask. The gentleman he had been speaking to was a local fireman and said we could use the firehouse facilities across the street. You mean a potty and we get to check out firetrucks too...SCORE!!!

The sheriff's deputy gave all the kids a lifesaver (which Alec quickly spit out b/c it was "too spicy", meaning too minty)! They thought that was pretty cool. After much thanks we were off once again. The trip was a bit longer than the kids (or parents) would have liked but it was a beautiful drive.

Driving into Snowshoe....

The house, isn't it gorgeous....look at that deck,
a perfect place to watch the sunset.

One of the many views from the upper deck, it was breathtaking!

Sunset our first evening there. I could handle a view like this every night!

We were there less than 20 minutes and already the kids beds
were a mess. They didn't hesitate unpacking their toys!

A view of the second floor from the third floor loft.

The loft of the third floor...didn't get any pictures of the first floor (sorry).

Some of the kids soaking up the fun of the hot tub, it was great.
The adults enjoyed it later after little ones were asleep!

Rob and Jakob light a fire our first night there.
Can you ask for anything more?

Saturday morning...a hike to start the day!

Boys...they are so silly. Cami is being so adorable and
serious and the boys are all making faces or appearing
bored. Poor Cami and Carlee were outnumbered!

Saturday after the hike and some lunch we headed to Cass for a ride on the Cass Scenic Railroad. We went down the wrong side of the mountain and were delayed in our attempts to make the 12:30 train but when we arrived as it was just about to pull away we all shrugged and thought it was all part of the adventure of the vacation. We'd wait out the next 2 hours playing and checking out the small train station. The kids quickly gravitated to the play area where there was a cute little wooden train they could play on.

Alec loved to ring the train bell.
Nothing like the whistle on the actual train
(which Carlee disliked hearing)
but fun nonetheless.

Me and Bo Bo (a nickname)
pose for our standard self portrait.

Playin' on the train and waiting
for the real thing to come along!

We headed over to the river after playing for a bit on the train and the swing set. The boys loved throwing rocks in the river and trying to skip them too. We were all staying dry until Grant lost his footing a bit and ended up with wet shoes. Then he lost his footing again and ended up with a soggy bottom. Third times a charm....almost to his waist! Oops!

Cami and I pose for a self portrait by the river...

Jakob on the river...farther out than anyone would like
but that is Jakob for you!

"Look at that huge splash Daddy!"

Rob and some of the kids waiting and listening to the
terribly twangy music they were playing.
Justin busted a move a few times and had us all laughing.
Who would have thought that waiting for a train could be so fun!

We all decided it was time for some ice cream so we headed to
the gift shop and diner to get some. The kids found the gift
shop fascinating with all it's many trinkets.

Here comes the train...

On the tracks and heading up the mountain! It was beautiful!

The only downfall....Alec started feeling REALLY hot and was kind of lethargic. We thought it was just lack of sleep (being on vacation and all) but when he fell asleep in my arms on the train ride up the mountain and when woke up was not his usual peppy self....I began to worry. We headed home after the 2 hour train ride to have a nice dinner together and to play games and hit the hot tub. I gave Alec some medicine when we got back (mother's standard bottle of Ibuprofen was packed with other essential meds) and he began to come around. He felt really hot though and without a thermometer (I guess I need to add that to my essentials to pack list) we weren't sure how bad it was. He had NO other symptoms, just this mystery fever. I figured it was his ears.

I asked Rob and Sam if they would give him a blessing. They administered to him and I immediately felt comforted. I knew he would be o.k. and be able to enjoy our vacation. Rob got on the job of finding an Urgent Care for Sunday morning in case the fever was still around. This turned out to be harder than we had anticipated but all in all it was a relaxing and enjoyable day, even if Alec was feeling a bit under the weather.

After a very restless night sleeping with Alec he was still feverish and we were both exhausted. We got on the job again of finding a place to take him. The nearest hospital was at least 30 minutes away and apparently Urgent Care is unheard of around those parts. I contacted the First Aid station at the resort and spoke a really sweet guy named James. He was a paramedic. He informed me that the Physician's Assistant that can write prescriptions would be out that day but that if I wanted to bring him in he could check his temperature and his ears and tell me if the trip to the hospital would be worth it. He was an angel!

I took Alec up and met James and he checked him out and said he looked great. While he was talking to me the P.A. who wasn't supposed to be on duty that day showed up. Yet another really sweet man. He too gave Alec the once over and agreed with James' assessment. They advised me to wait it out, that is was likely a virus and to keep him comfortable with the Ibuprofen. They then proceeded to give me a $40 thermometer and a bottle of expectorant (to keep any possible mucus in his nasal passages loose and runny) for FREE!!! They didn't charge me for their time or anything. I was astonished and EXTREMELY GRATEFUL!!!! They were a blessing as was the entire experience.

I returned to the house where I shared the experience with everyone and we all expressed thanks for the experience. With Alec feeling better (with medicine) we ate some lunch and then headed to town to catch a free shuttle down to Shaker's Lake for a Sunday walk. It was gorgeous down there, so peaceful and tranquil. We came across an area with hammocks near a play area and the kids were so excited.

Grant and Camille enjoy the hammocks they had
hanging amongst the trees at Shaver's Lake.
They were a welcomed treat!

Alec and I couldn't resist...

A picture of the lake,
this does it no justice!

Little Miss Carlee hanging out and playing at the

lake. She is such a doll and such an easy going little
lady. She is much adored by her older brothers and
her mommy and daddy. We love her to death too,
the kids had to be told a few times to let her be,
they kept trying to pick her up. She wanted
to roam about and enjoy walking.

Playing in the sand and making a river
to the lake. We had a lot of fun, who
knew we'd find a beach. This was at
Shaver's Lake, a beauty located
down the mountain from where
we were staying. The kids were
wishing they had brought
their swim suits.

The boys dig and explore the sand. I think we ended up with half the beach in our van once we made it back to the top of the mountain and headed back to the house! Oh well, fun was had by all and that is what vacation is all about!

Camille and Grant look out
over the water from the dock.
They were so cute.

Yet another hike, this one by the lake. I wish you could see the line up here as they walked through the woods along the path. Jakob leading, then Camille, Grant, Alec, and Justin. I just realized as I typed that...that is their birth order too. How funny!

Monday afternoon we spent enjoying the beauty of the mountain's Split Rock Pool. It was a great indoor/outdoor pool. The slide outside was perfect for Alec and Justin who are a bit small for slide at the local pool at home. We had a ton of fun playing and splashing.

Here is the outdoor portion, there was a small area to
swim through to get to indoor pool without ever leaving the water.

Here is the indoor pool area...looks fun, huh?

Jakob enjoyed going down the slide
backwards and any other way he could.

The look on Cami's face says it all.....this is a blast!

Love this picture, you can see the enormous amount of joy
he is feeling at being big enough to do the slide! What a cutie!

Christy and Carlee enjoy the indoor pool! Their family are as much like fish as we are. We all love the water and thoroughly enjoyed the pools!

Sam and Justin wade
about in the outdoor pool!

There were deer everywhere we went it seemed.

Here as we were driving down the street to the
house we spotted some in a neighbors yard.
They were eating flowers
(the mother and baby-baby not pictured here).
They were so beautiful and not fearful of us at all.

As we went into town for a long anticipated Pizza
dinner the kids all hooked themselves together and
then to Rob to make a chain. They were so cute,
talk about the buddy system. They were all being silly.

Oops...the pizza place at the top of the mountain was
closed on Monday. On to "Plan B", a pizza place at
the base of the mountain. Jakob and his two extra
buddies for the trip grasp a hand and march to the vans
for a trip down the mountain for dinner!

FINALLY.....dinner! The pizza was not the best but the company
was great and the kids had a great time watching "How It's Made"
on Science Channel while we waited for the pizzas to come out.
This show is actually quite interesting to watch. It can be quite the
education about things you likely wouldn't know anything about.

Before we left to head home we snapped some pictures of us near
the base of the mountain. What a great vacation.
We are so thankful to have enjoyed it with great friends too!

Here is the whole gang at the base of the mountain.
Off we go to head back to life as we know it at home!

On the way home we experienced further surprises! Before we had left we had given the kids some anti-nausea medicine to help with the winding roads. Apparently we didn't wait long enough to hit the road because not too long down the road Jakob began looking like a ghost and fading fast. I grabbed the garbage bag I had gotten the night before for Alec, threw it to Jakob and after a quick fluff of it and a quick dive of his head in the bag......puke-a-rama! Poor guy! We pulled over and gave him some time to breathe some fresh air and walk it off. He felt much better and shortly returned to the van to hit the road again. A bit later Justin was not feeling well and needed a pit stop too. He quickly recovered and we were off once more. A few more stops for our friends that included a roadside #2 (we had many areas where there was NO WHERE to stop other than the side of the road...I know...not ideal), and a #1 in a cup (which by the way was supposed to be thrown from the van, which it was along with the cup...oops) and we were well on the way home. Apparently the kids in the other van screamed a bit toward the end, we were all ready to be home. Cami was crying the last 5-15 minutes because she wanted to be home. Then when we got home she cried because she didn't want vacation to be over. Sometimes we just can't win!

Thanks for a great time Sam, Christy, Grant, Justin, and Carlee. We love you guys and couldn't ask for better friends to have spent a crazy, fun filled, laughter full, adventurous weekend with! Thanks again!

We're back, laundry is almost done (mostly waiting to be folded and put away), all luggage is pretty much unpacked, and life as we know it is back in full swing. The next adventure...I go to have my hair relaxed tonight. Yep...for those of you who don't know this about me....I have VERY curly hair. I straighten it because I dislike wearing it curly when it is short b/c I look like a fuzz ball. I will post a before and after picture if all goes well! I am praying for it to go well!

Vacation Pictures & Details Coming Soon...

2008-07-29T21:54:00.002-04:00

We just got back from our vacation to Showshoe, West Virginia. It was a BLAST!!! Details and pictures to come in the next day or two. Right now I am hearing the dryer buzzing...laundry, one of the things I dislike most after a great vacation!

More to come...check back!

Summer Fun...Busy Times....

2008-07-24T15:05:00.002-04:00

Hi all! Haven't written much lately, we've been enjoying Summer too much! There has been an array of things going on, too many to list, but we are enjoying every minute of Summer. Our days have been relaxing and unplanned most of the time. It has been glorious!!! We go the pool whenever we want, we actually joined a local club recently too that has a gorgeous outdoor pool and a gym I am excited to get into. The kids are loving the time off of school and I am loving having them with me so much. Sure, there are times when I could stand 10 minutes free of questions but for the most part it has been great.

Yesterday we got to watch our friends little boy and twin sons for a couple hours. The kids and I were in heaven. Ethan had a grand old time playing with all of Alec's Thomas Trains, Ethan's latest favorite, and the older kids and I played with the babies. Nate and Levi are adorable and such easy going little guys. I was holding Levi while Nate was sleeping and Levi fell asleep on my shoulder, I was soaking up the baby time. Jakob and Cami loved holding the boys, feeding them, and playing with them. They are so great with babies!

We have been enjoying the library weekly and the kids are doing great with their Summer Reading Program, the older ones have each read well over 20 hours. We just recently finished the Narnia series of books and are now starting Harry Potter. Alec is still into all the Thomas and Tonka, Backyardigans and Dora books. It is fun to stay up a little later with the older ones and read the older books out loud to them.

I read somewhere about parents reading out loud to their kids everyday even well into their teens and what an effect it can have on them and your relationship with them. It was an amazing story. If I can find it I will link it here in the future. A woman attended a conference and heard about it, went home and tried it (with initial resistance from her teenage daughter) and came back to tell the presenter at a later date what a dramatic effect it had had on their relationship. It was a great story! So we decided we'd give it a shot. I admit there are nights when it is too late and we forgo it but for the most part it is something we try to do nightly. I hope it is as beneficial for us as it has been for others. I love that the older kids get into it and are so anxious to read further. It has added an extra measure of closeness between us already!

We are going to check out another outdoor water play land next week. We're excited, we hear this one is much better than the one we previously went to. We're also excited to be going with Cathy and the kids again too! I'll try to get some good pictures and post them!

Well...my feet are aching for some strange reason so I am going to go lounge with the kids and put up my feet for a few minutes. We had a lot of fun in the sun for a couple hours at the pool earlier, I think we are all a bit wiped out!

Until later...

Wet Playland Fun...

2008-07-18T12:55:00.009-04:00

On Wednesday we headed on an adventure to a wet play land. It was a bit of a drive from home but an adventure often requires a drive. We were excited to have with us Cathy, Owen, Julia, and Elliot. Cathy's family and I met back in 2006 when I began caring for her kids during the school year while she worked as a teacher. I have had the privilege of caring for them (during the school year) since. I must say, I love these sweet kiddos like they were mine! Elliot is the newest addition, born this last Spring. It has been fun to see these sweet kids grow up and to be a part of their lives. My kids adore them as well and they love to play together! In fact we were just at the pool with them this morning!

Anyhow, here are some pictures from our wet play land outing! The park was not quite what we had hoped but it was fun nonetheless. We hope to make it to a different one in the future that looks even funner. Hopefully we get the chance!

We had packed lunch so after the kids played for a bit
we sat down for a bite to eat!

Cathy has gotten really good at doing things with only one hand!

Alec with his signature tongue hanging out!
Poor kid, he has such fair skin (as do Jakob and Cami)
and I lather them up in sunscreen which makes them
even fairer looking! Gotta protect that delicate skin!

Elliot gets a feel for the water and a break from the heat!
He's such a sweet little guy and such a carbon copy
of his brother and sister.

Cami gets ready to leap through the water
as it bursts from the ground!

We spent some time playing on the playground at the same location before going back to the water! It was so hot that they didn't last long before wanting to get wet again!

Julia checks out the view!

The park was geared more toward littler kids but Jakob was a
trooper and made the best of it anyhow! He had fun still!

Running and playing tag...

Jakob holds Elliot...he loves babies!

After sun, water, and lots of play and running about...
they needed ice cream! Yummy!!!

It was a great day of fun in the sun! Thankfully we got to share it with some great friends!

Camille's Finished Quilt...

2008-07-15T16:28:00.008-04:00

Camille has finished her quilt for Tyler Bear. It turned out really cute and she is so proud of herself (as are we). She did such a great job! She picked all the fabrics, decided on the pattern and layout, did almost all of the sewing (mommy had to help here and there just a little), and tied it when she was done. She is excited to send it off to Grandma to have her embroider it for her with the following:

Camille
July 2008
I miss you Tyler.
I will love you forever.
Tyler Bear's Quilt

My mom has embroidered her other quilts with her name and the date so she can remember years from now when she made them. She wanted to include a special message for Tyler.

Here is Camille with the finished quilt top
(just before we put the back on it).

Here she shows off the back after it is all done and tied.

TaaTaa(Cami's version of TaaDaa)....
the front and it's all finished....yippee!!!

And here is what Alec did while we finished the quilt.
He was up before 7 this morning (unlike him) and was pretty tired.
Jakob was reading the final book of the Narnia series
and Alec decided he wanted a siesta!

So now it is time for me to get my quilt done. I have a few more small purchases to get remaining supplies I need and then I too will get to work! I have caught inspiration and excitement from Camille...she has a way of doing that with everyone and in everything she does...it is a gift she possesses!

Let The Sewing Begin....

2008-07-10T16:57:00.004-04:00

This afternoon Cami began sewing on her quilt. I will have to wait a bit longer, a few more supplies need to be purchased to complete the one I am going to do. I cannot tell you how much fun I have watching this sweet girl as she works to make this quilt. She has such talent for a girl her age. She is very comfortable with the sewing machine and has learned very quickly the basics of quilting.

Here she concentrates on keeping her 1/4" seam.
She does beautifully!

The happy quilter!

More to come! We'll post pictures tomorrow of the quilt top, I think she may get it done (without the borders). Check back!

The Making of Memories and Quilts...

2008-07-09T19:02:00.003-04:00

Today Cami and I found ourselves unexpectedly without the boys. Jakob had spent the night at a friends house and this morning they invited Alec over to play until lunch. After piano we dropped Alec off and while the boys played Cami and I went fabric shopping for our "Tyler" quilts.

We had a GREAT time. Cami was so completely cute walking around grabbing fat quarters and stacking them up in her hand. She was chatting with the lady that worked there and just having a ball. Who knew a fabric store could be so fun. Cami is 7 and she has already made 2 quilts. She is really anxious to make this one for Tyler Bear.

We got our fabrics and then went to the back to lay them out and decide what we wanted to purchase. Cami had 13 different fabrics and narrowed them to 8. Then we went to look at bolts of fabric to see what we could find. She quickly found 3 bolts she loved. She made a quick switch and put back a different fabric to get a piece of one of the bolts to have a total of 10 fabrics. She wondered if she had seen a fat quarter of one of the bolt fabrics and without hesitation said she was going to go ask the lady up front. Pleasantly astonished at her sudden confidence I watched as she headed to ask the woman. With great ease she approached the woman and asked for assistance. The sweet woman led her to a basket and helped her to find what she was looking for. Cami was glowing and could hardly contain herself.

We had our remaining fabric cut and then made our way to the register. Cami was so cute, she had her little pile of fabric and was as chatty as ever about every little thing she saw. The woman gave Cami her own bag, always a highlight, and Cami told her it was her favorite quilt store ever (she's been to a few but never made her own purchase before, she's always wanted to use my extra fabric...I admit I have quite a stash).

As we departed the shop we discovered it was raining. Normally the rain would have been a bother but nothing could dampen this day or how excited we both were. We had a great time and truly it is embedded in my memory as a special time we shared together along with many other special memories she and I have shared through the years.

I cherish this sweet little girl and her brothers with every fiber of my being. They and their father are the greatest blessings I have ever received. When our family is complete the blessings will increase...we can't wait!

Cami and I will post pictures as we go and of our finished quilts. Check back soon to see our progress!

Tender Moments...

2008-07-06T19:04:00.005-04:00

The other night I went to check on Cami before going to bed
and found her snuggled up with "Tyler Bear". I stood there for the
longest time watching my sweet little girl sleep with this bear
she has grown so attached to. She adores him and cares so deeply
for this bear. He has helped her to heal in a way we never imagined.

She clutches his little paw in her hand as she holds him close and
dreams of the day a little brother or sister will come.

Just last night we again were talking about Tyler. We talked about how we were all feeling. Despite the difficulty surrounding our attempt to adopt Tyler we are ready for the children we have waited so long for to come. Tyler is a part of us, and always will be, but the desire we have to be a complete family has not changed. We know that there are at least 2 more children that are to come to our home and family.

We trust the Lord will lead us and guide our efforts in this journey and continue to provide healing for our hearts at the loss of Tyler. Thank you Cami for your strength and tenderness, you are going to be such a wonderful mommy someday!

4th of July Fun...

2008-07-05T10:16:00.007-04:00

We started off the morning by caring for our dear friends kids while they walked the 5K in our area before the local parade. The kids had a great time with Grant and Justin and anxiously awaited the parade (because of the candy). It rained all morning....come on...it's the 4th of July and it was 66 degrees outside and raining. Christy and Sam were soaked by the end of the walk but they had a great time! And even Carlee (their youngest who rode in a stroller during the walk) loved every minute of the experience...she's an angel!

Here the kids are lined up and waiting for the trucks, cars,
and floats to throw out candy so they can scatter and collect it!
Cami is in the dark blue hood and light purple rain coat,
Jakob in one of our rain coats (the kid hates coats and always says
he doesn't need one...until we get some where and he's cold
and wants one),and Alec is our little yellow duck there!
Justin is between the boys and Grant is somewhere else
during this picture.

It is hilarious to watch them all standing at the ready
and then quickly scatter and dive to the ground for candy.
I don't think they paid much attention to the floats or
anything just whether or not they were throwing out candy.

After the parade we went to Christy and Sam's for lunch. The kids had a great time playing together and we enjoyed visiting and some great food. Christy and Sam have been a great support to us and we just adore their family tremendously. It was getting late in the afternoon and we were all tired. So we said our goodbyes and headed home.

The night before Jakob and Cami had both had friends sleep over so there was very little sleep which occurred in our home. We were all a bit tired and thought a nap would be good before attempting to stay up late for fireworks. It was still raining so we hung out in the house, relaxed and then I took the youngest two upstairs for a nap. We cuddled up on my bed and soon all drifted off to dreamland. Jakob fell asleep on the big pillows downstairs and Rob played around on the computer for a bit. What a lazy and rainy afternoon, but much needed (the lazy part that is).

After our late afternoon naps we had some dinner and headed outside to play (the rain had FINALLY stopped). We played around a bit and then decided to go on a family bike ride (a favorite thing to do). We headed out and it was perfect, I love that we can do this together and the kids love it!

When we got back it was time to get ready to head out for the fireworks. We packed up treats and snacks and all the other essentials and loaded up the crew for some fireworks fun!

I love Cami's face.
There were fireworks happening in so many directions
that if you just looked around you could see them every where.
Rob was gazing off at another display.

Some shots of the fireworks!!!

When we got home the kids were all ready for sleep! We quickly got them ready for bed and off they drifted once again to dreamland. What a day!

Today we are thankful for
our independence,
our freedom,
and God's part in it all!

How We Are Doing....

2008-07-01T22:15:00.004-04:00

Many have wondered how we are doing after the loss of Tyler. We miss Tyler terribly but know that even if his time with us was brief he will always be a part of our family. That is why Rob and I have such a hard time with the idea of naming another little boy (should we have the privilege of adopting one) Tyler, because to us we already have a Tyler. But Camille is SOOOO wanting a brother named "Tyler" (and a sister named "Morgan") that she is brought to tears every time she talks about it. We talked to her about using a different name a little while ago (before we knew just how attached she was to the name) and she didn't react anything like we expected. She was adamant about us having a baby boy named Tyler that was going to be with us forever. So...we'll see whether there is another "Tyler" out there to join the family.

Cami still carries Tyler Bear every where and cares for him like a little mommy. It is so sweet and tender how she cares for him. She will be a great big sister, no doubt about it!

We are trying our best to return to life and maintain normalcy for the kids. This experience of having to return Tyler and likely never getting to see him again (his mother had wanted a fairly closed adoption so the likelihood of our getting to have contact with the family is remote) has shaken us. It has NOT shaken our faith nor our resolve to find the children we wait for, it has just shaken us emotionally. We are saddened by the lose yet grateful to have had the glorious 52 hours with Tyler that we were blessed with. We are preparing to move forward with our adoption efforts. We want more than anything to complete our family and to feel whole.

With that said we put ourselves out there again, ready to be meet the birth mother(s) that will bless our lives with theirs and their babies. We pray for them!

Thank you to everyone for your continued support, prayers, and thoughts. We couldn't do this without the Lord and the amazing family and friends we have been blessed with....

THANK YOU!

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!

A Little Bit of Healing...

2008-06-26T16:22:00.004-04:00

Monday night (6/16) as we arrived home and shared with the kids the news of Tyler's return to his mother we were met with great disappointment. The kids took it really hard. Camille seemed the most deeply distraught. She had looked so forward to meeting Tyler, as did Jakob and Alec, and now that would never happen. We talked with the kids for some time about what happened and allowed them time to share their feelings and discuss their questions. The boys appeared to handle it fairly well, Alec because of his lack of understanding due to age, and Jakob I think because he has the personality of a strong exterior with a teddy bear inside. I knew he was hurting and sad, some of his behavior showed it, yet he didn't exhibit some of the typical signs of grieving. (I should note that everyone grieves differently and that is perfectly o.k.)

Later that night as Camille continued to struggle with the idea of Tyler's absence from our lives I was inspired with a thought. I said to Camille that we should go to Build-A-Bear and make a teddy bear in memory of Tyler. She loved the idea. We planned to go the very next day.

The next morning, along with Grandma, we piled in the van and headed to Build-A-Bear. Alec quickly made his choice, a monkey he named "Monkey". Jakob chose his, a bear he named "Tyler". Camille took a bit longer to decide. She wanted the perfect bear. She wanted me to help her choose because I had seen and held Tyler and she wanted her bear to resemble him. We chose an adorable bear with soft curly hair much like Tyler's. She named him "Tyler Bear".

Everyone picks a sound for their animal.
Alec picked a monkey sound,
Cami and Jakob chose a heartbeat that you could not hear
but you could feel in their chest. Really cool!

The stuffing begins...

As the BAB employee helped the kids stuff their animals she got to the point where they take a small heart shape and do various things with it before placing it in the animal. She asked them to rub them on their heads that their animals would be smart, to rub them on their ears so they would always hear and keep their secrets, etc. When she was almost done she asked them to rub them on their hearts so they would always know how much they were loved and then to kiss them and make a wish. I had to turn and step away for a bit because I know what each one was wishing at that moment. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched my sweet children begin their healing through this simple act.

The kids rub the hearts on their ears...

Rubbing the hearts on their hearts...
we struggled to hold back the tears.

Naming and printing their birth certificates....

Since then the animals have received great care. Camille carries Tyler everywhere. She changes his diaper, feeds and burps him, buckles him in the car, made him a bed, plays with him...she's a little mommy! She is so anxious for a new baby, as are we all!

Cami shows off "Tyler Bear".

Jakob with "Tyler" dressed in a Cleveland jersey.

Alec with "Monkey"...don't ask about the Bengals jersey...
it's an Ohio thing!
I personally am not a fan!

Cami feeds "Tyler Bear"...she's a great little mommy!
She wants a baby sister or brother SO BADLY!!!
"Tyler Bear" is wearing the outfit and socks that Tyler wore home
from the hospital, it meant a lot to Cami
to have these for "Tyler Bear".

Burping "Tyler Bear"...

We are not hopeless in our pursuit of these sweet children we wait for. We are saddened by the absence of Tyler, that is undeniable. We do, however, know that the Lord is mindful of us and our great anguish over this loss for our family. We have felt His great love and His much needed comfort. We have felt surrounded by love and support from wonderful family and friends. Without the Lord and the support and prayers from these dear loved ones we would be lost in our grief. Thankfully we are not lost but simply taking a detour we did not expect but which was necessary on this journey. True, the journey without this detour would have been less agonizing but it would not have taught us the things it has and we would be without the experience of having loved Tyler as we do. We can never love too much and our love is endless, why not share it with all...even if it is only for a short time.

Camille's Recital Photos and Video...

2008-06-21T19:17:00.017-04:00

On June 7th Camille had her

4th annual dance recital.
It was absolutely beautiful, as was she!

I love this picture...she is so photogenic!

She even poses herself!

She dances and smiles as she does her ballet routine...

I love this part of the dance where she exhibits
such grace for a child her age.
She shows some real talent.

Mommy and Camille!

Here is the video...hope you enjoy it!

Special thanks to Daddy for putting it together.
Also thanks to Grandma and Grandpa who made every attempt
to be there but due to unexpected flight delays were unable to attend.

Answers...

2008-06-19T22:40:00.002-04:00

Apparently there has been some confusion. Many have been concerned about the fact that Tyler's mother could change her mind after he had been placed with us. Barbara's rights as a parent had not yet been terminated when she asked for Tyler back. In the state we were working in the parents rights are not terminated immediately. Instead they are terminated in a court hearing scheduled after placement. This court hearing can be weeks after placement has occurred. Due to circumstances with this particular adoption that court hearing would not have taken place for at least 30 days after placement. So....she had at least 30 days to change her mind. Thankfully she did in the first 3 days and not after many more, it was painful enough to take him back after 52 hours, I can't imagine doing that after several weeks.

Each state is different when it comes to the time between placement and rights being terminated. Even if we had done this placement in our home state, she could have changed her mind and we would have had to take him back.

I hope this clears things up...

52 Hours of Joy Followed By Disappointment...

2008-06-16T21:34:00.007-04:00

For 52 hours we had the extreme pleasure of loving, caring for, and bonding with a son we named Tyler Robert. He was born to his mother, Barbara, on June 11th at 7:22 pm.

We got a phone call on the 12th from our case worker saying Barbara wanted to meet us. We traveled first thing the next morning to meet at the hospital. We quickly grew to love both Barbara and her sweet baby. We all felt an instant connection and a bond with one another. Barbara and her mother both said they felt good about placing him with us. It was a great experience meeting them, we couldn't have been more thrilled.

With great anticipation we awaited Saturday morning when we would be picking him up and taking him to a hotel where we would await the finishing of paper work so that we could take him home. It was a beautiful and sunny day Saturday as we drove away from the hospital with the little boy we had named Tyler. He was gorgeous and we were already in love with him.

Sunday was spent adoring him, loving on him, and basking in the joys of a new addition to the family. What a Father's Day gift. We couldn't have been more happy with the exception of having our other children and family with us to enjoy this great experience. Thankfully my mom was caring for them back home and they were enjoying their time with grandma.

All was glorious, Tyler was pure joy and we were extremely confident that everything would come together and we'd be home, a more complete family of six, in no time. This early afternoon, about an hour after Rob had left to make the four hour ride home to do some work and help tend the kids for a couple days before they all were to come and visit and meet Tyler, I got a phone call. It was one of the case workers at the agency. He informed me that Barbara had called and said she changed her mind. We needed to return Tyler to the agency by four o'clock. I was shocked and heartbroken. I immediately called Rob and told him to turn around and come back.

The following few hours were spent crying, packing, and preparing Tyler to be returned to the agency where Barbara would be picking him up later. I felt my heart was literally breaking inside me. I managed to pack the room and all its contents fairly quickly and spent the remaining time saying my goodbyes to Tyler.

We drove to the agency where we met the worker who had called us and Cathy (a fellow worker of our original worker Kathie) who had been with us at the hospital on Saturday. We waited while they prepared a place for Tyler to wait for his mother and then I handed him to Cathy. I felt like I was giving away a part of me. I kissed his sweet little head as tears streamed down my face and said goodbye. Rob and I quickly left as we could no longer hold in our anguish. We both sobbed as we left the agency and headed to the car to head home.

At that moment I was so very grateful to have three children to be going home to. I can't imagine what a couple with no children would have done in that situation, what despair they would surely feel.

So the post I was going to publish introducing Tyler will not be published. Instead I post this simple heartfelt goodbye to a baby that we loved for 52 hours...and still do. Tyler we pray your life is blessed with health, happiness, safety, joy, and love unconditional. You will always be in our hearts.

Backyard Fun...

2008-06-06T15:45:00.003-04:00

It got REALLY hot yesterday and everyone and their mother
(literally) were at the pool so we broke out our little pool
and had some backyard fun!

Love this picture of Alec!
The tongue is the source of his super powers,
he is never without it sticking out when he is playing hard!

A close up of Cami, those goggles are getting small for her!
But she still loves them!

On the run for some jumping fun!

Three of my greatest blessings...

Waiting and looking forward to more blessings to come...
we can't wait!

The Latest On The Adoption Front...

2008-06-06T15:39:00.003-04:00

We found out last night that the birth mother had her baby on Saturday and has decided to parent. We admit we are disappointed but we are also not surprised. I had been feeling very strongly almost 2 weeks ago that our daughter was coming. It was as if I could feel her drawing close to me. As the week progressed and as this birth mother's sisters came to visit us those feelings began to diminish until they were entirely gone come the weekend. I prayed to feel that closeness again but it didn't come. The Lord heard my prayers but He couldn't allow those feelings to return because they would have been false and they would have give me false hope. He would never want me to feel deeper disappointment as He doesn't wish for me to ever feel ANY kind of disappointment (although He knows I will) because He loves me and He wants to be happy always.

So...we are back to square one. Waiting to hear about another opportunity to share our home and family with another birth mother and her child(ren). With faith and hope we wait...as long as we have to!